It was the best of times, it was the worst of times!

Since 2008 is hours away, I thought I would list of favorite and least favorite years of my life, there are lots of years in between that were just so/so!

Best....

2007-Although I lost my job, Jenna found her way to us and we could not be happier!

2003-Just 7 days in to the New Year and Jacqueline was finally born-healthy!

1992-The year we got married. The wedding was great, the planning was fun and the honeymoon was a blast!

1987-I met my husband senior year of High School. Senior year was great, I had a boyfriend, a car, was headed to college and really enjoyed myself that year!

1998-Lost 55 pounds in 6 months at Weight Watchers and was "On top of the world"

1999-Loved being thin and was very happy that year! We bought the house we live in that summer! Turned 30 to a surprise party and looked great!

1983-Graduated from 8th grade with all kinds of honors and was accepted at the prestigous Bronx High School of Science in NYC.

1996-A year I was at goal weight! Looked great as matron of honor in my sisters wedding-thanks again to Weight Watchers! Had a nice 30th birthday for my husband!

Worst...

2006-By far!!! Back to back miscarriages. Not being picked to be godmother to my best friend's daughter. The smartest thing I did was start the adoption process in November 2006!

2002-I lost my job at IBM, a job I really loved. I was pregnant with Jacqueline but it was a risky pregnancy and the baby was diagnosed with a rare heart problem. I was a nervous wreck. My husband's grandfather died.

2000-Just not a good year. I found out I had lyme disease and gained a lot of weight! Just was unhappy and depressed. We spent all of 2000 hoping to get pregnant-no luck!

2001-Not a good year at all. I nearly died in April of a combination of pnuemonia, pleurisy and a rare bacterial infection. Had a chest tube put in and spent 9 days in the hospital. Spent the rest of the year still trying to get pregnant.

1994-Totaled my car in July and ruined my back. Lots of pain and physical therapy were in store for me.

I have no idea what 2008 has in store for me-hopefully weight loss and a new career where I can make money and spend time with my kids. I wish for happiness, good health and good times with family and friends. I am so thankful for 2007 and the wonderful year it has been for our family!

It was a Merry Christmas!

Although I have no idea where all these new toys are going, and it's two days after Christmas, I have to say it was a great Christmas! We celebrated with my husband's family on Christmas Eve and my family on Christmas Day. My older daughter loved her gifts, especially the new digital Fisher Price camera! The baby surprised us by trying to rip some of the wrapping paper off at 7 months. She loves her new toys too! She got a cool jumperoo that goes over the door frame.

I got some great pictures of the kids and our families. It was nice since people in our families usually don't want to be pictures. I love having pictures as memories. We got our nieces a big karaoke machine. Needless to say, we hooked it up and all started to sing into it. We had also bought a CD of new songs that's compatible with the karoake machine. My husband taped me and my brother horribly singing "How to Save A Life" for the entire song. I swear we were not even drinking! I haven't seen the tape, but it should-it must be good for a few laughs.

So a Merry Christmas was had by all! Jenna's first Christmas was wonderful and we feel so thankful to have her in our lives. We are a very fortunate family! I think 2008 is going to be a great year as well!

Tidbits.....

Just had to blog some randome thoughts of mine....

I hope Jamie Lynn Spears is let go from her Nickelodeon show. As a teenager and public figure looked up to by millions of kids, she has an obligation to her fans to be more responsible. In her case, getting pregnant at 16 is just a cry for attention. Supposedly she had a pregnancy scare this summer. Doesn't sound like an accident to me. Was she worried dysfunctional Britney was getting ALL the attention lately. If child stars had to sign contracts promising to live up to certain moral standards, including not drinking, getting arrested or getting pregnant, our kids role models would be a little more upstanding. I do have a small amount of respect for her in that she did not choose abortion. Very very small amount of respect. She should have been enjoying the benefits of being a teen star and enjoyed life, now she will be raising another troubled Spears offspring for the next 18 plus years. Since her boyfriend is said to be 19, isn't that statuatory rape? Shouldn't they be investigating him!

The Hollywood writers strike is getting out of hand. With Survivor and the Biggest Loser wrapping up this week, I am really at a loss. I watch Nip/Tuck, but am really missing Grey's Anatomy and Desperate Housewives. Enough already-settle this and start writing or get other writers!

I must go back on my diet. I have been "off the wagon" for a month now. I really feel like crap. Back's hurting again, stomach is upset, and I just feel horrible. I haven't gotten on the scale and have no idea how much of the 28 pounds I gained back. My guess is 7-10. UGH! I want to start my diet again January 2nd, but my daughter's birthday is the 7th. I know-it's another excuse! Summer will be here before I know it. I can do a lot of good in 6 months!!!!

All I want for Christmas is my two BOTTOM teeth...

Last week, I thought I saw (as I call it), one "big ass" tooth coming in on the bottom of my baby's mouth. She's been a little cranky lately and I know teething is starting! Turns out it was TWO little bottom teeth. Yesterday they were enough out of the gums to see the distinction of two little teeth! So cute!!!

Our little princess also turned 7 months yesterday! I can't believe it! Where has the time gone? She's doing so much and growing up right before our eyes. She rolls over, crawls 90 miles an hour, tries to stand up, walks when you hold her hands, smiles and laughs at family members she recognizes. Every day, she's doing and learning something new! She's such a good baby too! I know she will keep me on my toes when she starts walking-no grass will grow under this little girl's feet!!! She already won't sit still for pictures!!!


Here's a picture of her two adorable teeth and a picture from her 7 month birthday yesterday!

The Christmas Crunch

OK with one week to go, Christmas is almost upon us. I have so much to do and feel like I am running out of time. A Christmas party tonight. I just starting wrapping gifts today (I wrapped 10, I have about 50 more to go!). I have more shopping to do, ran out of tape and wrapping paper. I really need groceries, but that's another story. I feel like the clock is ticking quickly and it's going to be a mad dash to the finish. I would love to find time to get my nails done in the next week and desperately need a haircut! I am rather lucky in that I don't have to cook for the holidays and I am not working. Still I feel maxed out.

My older daughter is now old enough that I have to hide presents from her and even hide the wrapping paper. Luckily, I don't have to worry about presents with the baby-she has no idea yet! I'm sure my older daughter will be keep a close eye on her sister's presents, the wrapping paper and even the labels used, so I still have to be careful with the baby's presents. I wish I had more places to hide presents in my house! I mean really good hiding places!

Once we recover from Christmas and New Years, we go straight into our older daughter's birthday! Then after that I get a little break. Time just flies. I don't know where it goes. I hate winter and can't wait till Spring. Winter is not yet officially here and we already got a few snowstorms! UGH!

Ok now that I vented-I am very grateful to have family and children to shop for and hide presents from. I am lucky that I can afford to buy the things we need and just need to find time to get out. I am blessed to have family to have holidays with and thankful for the house we have, even thought the driveway is a b*tch to shovel LOL! In spite of my last minute holiday panic I am very very grateful-2007 has been a wonderful year! I will survive my Christmas Crunch-I do every year!

Just call me Mom....

I hope that when my younger daughter someday introduces me to her friends, she introduces me as "Mom" not "my adoptive Mom". It sounds silly to worry about it now, but I do think about it. I just want to be her Mom, with no other distinction.

I am determined to raise and treat my two girls equally in every way. I would never introduce them based on how they came into our family. I often use "my older daughter" and "my younger daughter", but I think that's fine. I can see how people forget a child is adopted after being in their family so long. I don't think of my younger daughter as adopted, I just think of her as mine. After not even seven months of having her, I can't imagine life without her.

So sweetheart, it will make me happy, if you simply introduce me as Mom! Nothing would make me happier!

Mamacita, Donde esta Santa Claus??

I LOVE that song from Augie Rios. My mother used to sing it to my older daughter all the time. So much so, that she has always called her Mamacita. Not Grandma, not Grammy, not Nana, just Mamacita.

Back in August, I was surfing youtube and found a video of a young boy lipsynching to this song. It was great-cute kid, good editing. My daughter and I loved it. I did catch that the man referred to his son as "late". I was intrigued and did a a little research. This father lost his son earlier in 2007 in a car accident. This little boy who was grinning and singing on my computer, was no more. I did not want to tell my four year old and upset her, so we just watch it and sing. I did email the father who posted the video and tell him I was sorry for his loss, how much we enjoy his son's video and how special that song is to my daughter. I sent him that note in August.

Yesterday he responded. He says it makes him happy to know people watch the video. Him and Jason had a great time making it. He says my note meant a lot to him and that my daughter should keep on singing Mamacita! How humbling!!

What's amazing is how two strangers can reach out to each other. Words of kindness exchange. We had nothing in common expect we were both parents and both loved this one song. It just goes to show how strangers can make a small difference in each other's lives. Words of kindness do make a difference!

Also remember not to take your children for granted. Treasure them every single day. We never know what life his in store for our loved ones. I am sure this father never thought he would be spending Christmas 2007 without his son!

Enjoy the video!

Finally-Finalization day!

Today was a wonderful day for our family. We finalized the adoption of our daughter in county court this morning! We are officially her parents-forever! No longer a family of three-we are officially, legally a family of four! It's an indescribable feeling only an adoptive parent would truly understand!

It was almost one year ago to the day that I was stressing over our first homestudy visit and cleaning our house from top to bottom. We've come full circle in a year! We've had our daughter for 6 1/2 months already!

The judge was so nice. They asked our permission if two law students from Italy that are interning in the court can witness it and we said yes. Our file has always been in surrogates court and not family court since the get-go. To finalize an adoption is a rare thing for surrogates court and I think everyone involved enjoyed the rare opportunity! The judge joked how the baby was sticking her tongue out at the judge. Then he asked our older daughter if she officially wanted a little sister, because this would make it legal-she said very loudly and proudly "Yes I do!". We were so proud of her too!

We had a big family turnout for the event. My sister came. My parents, DH's parents and my grandparents-who are 80 and 90!!! I can't believe they traveled to witness this. My grandmother attended a finalization 55 years or so ago for her niece. How many people can say they witnessed two finalizations in their lifetime! Here's a wonderful picture of our entire family in the judge's chambers! Too bad the little lady of honor was the only one not looking at the camera!!! We had a nice lunch with our families afterward!

For everyone who is adopting domestically (especially those going the independent adoption route)-please know that it's all worth it 1000 times over. All the ups and downs, waiting, worrying, disappointments, the scams, the cost, etc. DO NOT GIVE UP. If you persist and do everything in your power to put yourselves in front of potential birthmothers-it will happen!!! And when it does, you are left with a precious new life and a lifetime of happiness!!

Rip off at the local car dealer!

My husband has a 2001 Nissan Altima, which he loves. We never had problems with the car and want it to last as long as possible, since we are really not in a position to buy another car. Anyway, last week I went to drive his car and could not move the seat forward. The power seat would move up and down and the back adjusted, but not forwards or backwards.

Since I am 6 inches shorter then he is, there is no way I could reach the pedal. His car greats great mileage and I was really bummed that I would not be able to drive it. We brought it to our local dealer that services Nissans-Curry automall in Cortlandt Manor, NY. They call us a few hours later and tell us it's going to be (hold on to your seat) $1700 to repair! They have to remove the seat, the frame, replace the whole mechanism etc. I was expected $300, even $400. I was so upset.

I went online and started to research the problem and other people reported the same problem with 2001 Pathfinders. They had luck by taking a wrench or screwdriver and hitting the motor under the driver's seat. I tried that yesterday with a hammer. I hit it a few times, harder each time. The seat moved a bit forward, but then stopped. I didn't think I was successful. I got in my husband's car today with a pillow to attempt to try to reach the pedals. I pressed the power button seat forward just for the hell of it. It worked!!! I moved it forward and backwards a few times today and it worked!!! I can't tell you how happy I am to not have to have the car repaired!

I am also very disappointed at how ridiculous the car dealer was when it came to estimating the repair and damage. Maybe they were going to hit the motor box with a hammer and charge me $1700 or maybe they are just stupid. Shame on you Curry Automall!

Finalization is in the air

We got the word today from our attorney that our daughter's finalization is definitely next week (Dec. 5th) at our county surrogate's court. We are so happy and excited! I already picked out what me and the girls are going to wear! I can't speak for my DH!

I guess this is the culmination of our adoption quest that began just a year ago. On Dec 11th, 2006 we had our first home study-look how far we've come in a year. Full circle actually! We will celebrate with family-maybe go out to lunch or have a cake at night. I know even though we are celebrating, I know there is a woman hundreds of miles, away, who we do care about, who still misses the baby she gave to us six months ago. Today I mailed a bunch of pictures to her attorney with a letter as our daughter is six months old. This is her birthmom's 2nd update. I sent lots of pictures this time. I hope they comfort her and do not make her feel bad. I wrote a letter telling her what's going on with our lives and asking what's new with her. I told her about our daughters likes and dislikes and milestones. It's so hard, not wanting to write anything that will make her feel bad, but yet want to tell her how much we love our daughter and are thankful to have her. We will certainly be thinking of our daughter's birthom on finalization day.

I have to say, Finalization is like Christmas a few weeks early for our family. It's better then any gift anyone could ever give us! We are so blessed this holiday season. I will continue to help those who I know hope to adopt domestically and hope to change lives in a positive way. I have been so lucky to have met so many wonderful people on our adoption journey-which actually started in 2001!

Thanksgiving was great!

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving in spite of my grandfather being admitted to the hospital the night before for a mini stroke. He's OK and they let him out Friday. It put a damper on the day that he was not at the table with us, but we are thankful he is OK.

I feel more thankful then ever this year. With the addition of our baby, our family is complete. We are now a family of four!! My older daughter really enjoyed the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. The girls wore their dresses all day and looked so beautiful. My pumpkin pie, homemade fudge and sweet potato pie came out great. All in all it was a really nice day, it would have been perfect had my grandfather not been in the hospital.

It was just last Thanksgiving that we took a picture of me, my hubby and older daughter to use for our adoption profile. I had already scheduled the homestudy too-look how far we have come in a year, our baby is home 6 months already. We are so blessed...

Here is my favorite picture of my two little turkeys....

Give Thanks....to a soldier

The unsung heroes. Thousands of soldier lie wounded in military hospitals. Many with injuries that will alter the rest of their lives. We often here of the soldiers that died, those that were deployed and the ones coming home. We never hear of the ones that are injured and will return home without limbs or with serious debilitating injuries. These soldiers need to know that we are thinking of them and support them. Even if you don't agree with the war, we do need to show our support for the troops.

Please take a few minutes of your day and write a get well card or holiday card to an injured soldier. It will make the world of difference to them-send it to:

A recovering American Soldier
c/o Walter Reed Army Medical Center
6900 Georgia Ave, NW
Washington, DC 20307-5001

I must be old fashioned...

I get an email from a friend of mine who is in her late 30's - she has happy news to share! I figured she was announcing her engagement-I was right. Great news. Also in the same sentence she announces she is pregnant and due late March/early April. She must have know she was pregnant since the end of September, if not earlier. She just got engaged last week. I don't even know if the wedding will be pre baby or post baby. Even more interesting-would it be a church wedding since she is Catholc too???

So the way I see it, it's a case of "Let's get married since you are already pregnant". I am really opposed to that. We are talking about people in their late 30s. I don't care if you are 17, 27 or 37, I think you should be married first, then conceive the baby. I don't think a marriage should be based on a circumstance. I think you should be committed before you start making babies. Maybe I am just an old fashioned catholic whose still thinking like it's the 1940s or 50s, but I strongly believe in marriage before kids and hope that someday my girls don't disappoint me and choose to have children after they are married.

Let's face it, kids get older, they can do the math and they will realize they were born less then 9 months after their parents married. Heck, years ago my family got a Christmas card from friends outlining when they got married, when the kids joined the family, etc. Their family Christmas card announced that they got married in February and their first child was born that April-just two months later. Why would you announce that in a timeline Christmas card??? They got married and had the baby in the early 70s when it was much less accepted. I was embarassed for them.

Don't get me wrong. I am very happy for my friend and wish her all the best, but my own personal morals and values don't agree with the order in which things panned out for her. I know she really wanted a baby, so much so that she was considering being a single Mom and going to a sperm bank a couple of years ago. I just hope they are really in love and getting married for the right reasons. Getting married because a baby is on the way is one of the reasons this country has such a high divorce rate.

I still believe-first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage! Call me old fashioned.

What do these people have in common??

Sarah McLaughlin
Faith Hill
Greg Louganis
Ray Liotta
Debbie Harry
Steve Jobs
Ted Danson
Daunte Culpepper
Melissa Gilbert
Liz Phair
Dave Thomas
Ella Fitzgerald
John Lennon

Ok - well if you guessed "They are all famous" that would be a correct answer. But the answer I was looking for was "They were all adopted!". You'd be surprised how many famous people were adopted by relatives or non relatives!

November is national adoption awareness month! Celebrate it!!! Spread the word!!

A small victory....

Yes, today I feel victorious! My scale says I haven't weighed this little since 2004. That's good news. I decided to be daring today and wear an old sweater that's a size L-Large, not XL or 2XL. Just Large-Ok it runs a bit on the big side. But it fits!!!!! Not tightly-it fits right. Sounds silly, but fitting into this sweater made my day! A small victory! I'm actually thinking of buying more clothes in Large to motivate me to keep losing weight!

22 pounds lost on Weight Watchers since September 19th-many more to go, but I'm on my way!!!

Halloween was great!

Halloween was great! We had great weather and the girls enjoyed dressing up. My older daughter finally wore a costume!! She was a fairie. The last time she wore a costume was when she was 1o months old-her first Halloween. Every year since, I buy the costume and she refuses to wear it-screaming and crying until I give in. This year, she finally has gotten over some of her major fears. She wore the costume and went trick or treating door to door with her cousins. She said "This is a lot of fun". I told her you've been missing out on the fun the past few years!!!
My little pumpkin was the cutest pumpkin I ever saw and didn't fuss in her costume!

I am so pround of my big girl. A clown came to their school on Halloween and she was NOT afraid. We went to see a live Sesame Street show a few days before Halloween and she was not scared of the characters for the first time and she wore her costume. Everyone said she woud outgrow her fears and she did-all at once it seems!!

Why I love Halloween time!

I love Halloween. I had many happy Halloweens when I was a child, that could be part of the reason. We would dress up in the flame retardant costume my mother bought us at Woolworth's and head out for some treats. In the Bronx in the 1970's, almost everyone's mom was home when they got home from school, so you could start trick or treating right away-no waiting until 5 or 6PM like now. We'd have bags SO FULL of candy we literally could not carry them. We could eat candy for weeks! After my mother checked all the candy of course! We went to Catholic School and we always got November 1st off for All Saints Day! That was the best!

When I got older, I gave up trick or treating, but took a liking to Halloween movies. To me the classics are Halloween, Rosemary's Baby, Audrey Rose, Psycho, The Exorcist, Poltergeist, The Amityville Horror, Nightmare on Elm Street and Carrie. They were eerie/scary not like the horror movies now that are just downright gory. I know a lot of people like movies like Saw, but that's just gore to me. I love seeing those movies now. So much better when they are on TV then if I rented them! I saw them dozens of times, I know what's going to happen, but still it gives me the chills! I also love the few Halloween cartoons that would be on faithfully every October-with my favorite being "It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown" which I own on DVD. I vaguely remember a Fat Albert Special and a Bugs Bunny Halloween show.

Halloween will always be a happy time of year for me. I just hope my kids enjoy Halloween as much as I did! It's one of the highlights of being a kid!

My Baby is 5 months old already!!

Where has the time gone!!! Halloween is almost here and fall should be here (we still have summer like days here in NY). I can't believe my baby is 5 months today-I feel like it was just yesterday that she was born. She "babbles" now, smiles a lot, recognizes her family and is such a good baby. She laughs hysterically for her Daddy and big Sister, I guess she finds me serious-or just the one that feeds her!! We are hoping to finalize her adoption before the end of 2007, but our file is in Surrogates court instead of family court and things are moving at a snail's pace.

Here's a picture of my little pumpkin in her Halloween PJ's!!!!

My Immortal

I love the song My Immortal by Evanescence. My older daughter has been signing it since she was three. I just heard it on the radio and I turned it up. I have not heard it in such a long time, I enjoyed it. It always brings a tear to my eyes, it goes back to the first time I heard the song.

I was at my best friend's daughter's dance receital in June 2006. We were sitting front and center and there were about 25 dances with girls ranging for 7 to 18 years old. They announced that these two sisters were going to dance (a balance) this song together in memory of their mother who recently passed away from cancer. The girls had been taking dance lessons at the same dance studio for about 15 years and the school knew their Mom very well. The song came on and I was intrigued. Two girls danced alone, they were teenagers. You could tell they were emotional, and less then a minute into the song, they were crying tears for their mother. We were sitting so close, it's like we were right there. I started crying just watching them. I don't know if it was the words of the song or the circumstance, or a combination. The thought of teen girls losing their mother who probably suffered, just got to me. I wouldn't want to pass away like that and miss out on the rest of my girls lives.

They kept on dancing and like professionals, in memory of their mother, completed the dance flawlessly. Then you heard them really sob. Half the audience was crying. It was the first time I ever heard the song and the 100 times I have heard it since, that memory of the two sisters dancing still pops into my mind. I have tried to think of the words and what they mean, and I still can't figure out if the words are the mother speaking to the daughters or the daughters talking to the mother.

A beautiful song that still intrigues me....

This Sunday I felt SOOOO Lucky!

This past Sunday I walked in our local Support Connection 3 mile walk. It was fun, great weather and I walked with five friends. This group supports families whose lives are affected by breast and ovarian cancer. I have been walking in this walk for years and this year the turnout was bigger and better than ever. Men, women, children, even dogs came out to walk. People volunteered to keep the event running smoothly. Donations were made, which will greatly help keep Support Connection running and helping families that need their support and assistance.

I felt lucky-to be alive and well enough to walk. To have friends and a beautiful family. And not to have my life been disrupted by cancer. People put signs on their back and walk in celebration of a person, who survived breast or ovarian cancer. Some people's signs say they walk in memory of-that person succumbed to breast or ovarian cancer and lost their life. Some people walk with multiple people's names on their backs. One woman impressed me. She was younger than me, walking with her husband and a one year old in a stroller. Pinned to the back of the stroller was a sign that said "I walk for my Mommy". Her sign said "I walk for myself-I'm fighting the fight of my life!". I wanted to cry for her. She was obviously undergoing treatment, had lost hair and was wearing a bandanna. She probably didn't feel 100%, but she was out there walking because the cause hits home with her. I hope she wins this fight, if not for herself, for her young baby, who needs a mother.

My walking paid off! I was very good on Weight Watchers this week and when I weighed in today, I had lost another 5 pounds, bringing my two week total to 12.6 pounds lost. The women in the meeting were sneering at me, wondering how I had done so well. I did it perfectly and busted my butt exercising-that's how-there are no shortcuts! Hell, I'm doing better than the ladies on The Biggest Loser.

I am the biggest Loser!

I have been watching the show "The Biggest Loser" since it first aired. I love it and find it very motivational. When it first aired, people thought it made fun of overweight people, but really the point was to help and motivate people to lose weight. For the past few years, by bowling team has had it's own "Biggest Loser" competition. Many people at work are doing it as well and weighing in weekly, hoping to surpass their friends. It has helped many people lose weight world wide and I think the show is great. My only suggestion is that the men and women wear t shirts when they weigh in, it's humiliating for overweight people to show their stomachs (I know firsthand).

Last Wednesday, I ventured to my local Weight Watchers yet again to join. I am a lifetime member and was actually a leader for some time in 1999-2000. I loved doing that. I would do it again in a heartbeat. It's hard that your job depends on your weight though. Over the years, I have tried and failed. I felt a new motivation lately. I feel old, my back hurts, my feet hurt and my stomach is a mess, all from my weight. I remember what it felt like to be at goal (I actually went under my goal by 5 pounds), it was AMAZING! I had energy, self confidence and felt like a million bucks. I really counted my points and walked my butt off and lost 7.6 pounds in one week! I was shooting for 10, but I know that was really pushing it. I am hoping to cross the 10 pound mark next week! Weight Watchers is a wonderful healthy program and it works. I was the biggest loser at my meeting today!

If I had lost 10 pounds, I would have lost the equivalent of my 4 month old daughter (who is a peanut). I hope that I get back to goal and have tons of energy for my kids and walk around feeling great! I have been eating fruits and veggies, shopping for healthy foods and even bought salad dressing your spritz on (who would have thought I would do that). Here's a picture of me on my 30th birthday (8 years ago), holding my neice. I was actually about 5 pounds above goal. I had went from size 16 to size 6 in 6 months, losing a total of 55 pounds. I was very happy when I was thin. In 1996, I also lost quite a bit of weight quickly-45 pounds in 5 months for my sister's wedding! My "thin pictures" are my inspiration. I am lucky enough to have lived a few years of my adult life thin and have a great reference of anchor for my feelings.

Here's to no more shopping at The Avenue and Lane Byrant! Buh bye!

Another September 11th has come and gone

This year marked the 6th Anniversary of September 11th. It fell on a Tuesday, just like it did in 2001. This year in NY, it was dreary and rainy for September 11th, very unlike the perfect weather we had on that day in 2001.

Every year I watch most, if not all, of the victims names read from ground zero. This year something different happened. My 4 1/2 year old asked me what I was doing. I did not know what to say at first, she was not born when it actually happened.

I told her that six years ago today, two of the tallest buildings in the world that were in NYC, fell down and thousands of people died. Every year they read the names of those people. She looked at me for a minute and said "So, you are never going to be able to take me to see those buildings?" I said, "No, I will never be able to-they are gone". I didn't feel the need to scare her and explain the terrorism part at 4 1/2. Sadly when the towers fell that day, one of the first thoughts in my mind was that when I had children someday, I could never take them to see those two breathtaking buildings. It's as if my daughter read my mind.

I will never forget 9/11 victims or rescuers. I will never forget where I was or what I felt that day. I still cannot bear to watch images of the planes crashing through the buildings. I will someday have to recount the story for both my daughters. It's like an unbelievable science fiction story with people running for their lives through the streets of New York City. It really happened and lives are forever changed.

My birthday was great!

My birthday has come and gone! It was September 5th. I had a wonderful birthday. The weather was great. My husband was the first to wish me Happy Birthday, and my 4 year old daughter was the2nd person.

My husband and I went to the US Open. We didn't see the greatest of matchups that afternoon, but it was nice to be there and spend time with him. The weather was great. I got some awesome gifts. Hubby and the kids got me a gift certificate to a local spa, a new MP3 player and a watch! The best part was my birthday card from the girls. It was the first time I got a Mom birthday card that said "from the both of us". That alone brought tears to my eyes. Then we went out for dinner to a nice local restaurant-the four of us! I am so lucky to have such a great family. It really was a very happy birthday!

Tomorrow is the baby's Christening and I was busy doing things for the party all week. The weather is going to be nice and hot tomorrow. I hope to post some pictures. I am usually the picture taker and this time I'm key at the party, so I hope my Dad takes the lead on taking pictures! We're having a rockin party at a restaurant with 75 people and a DJ!

OK, I'm hooked on Youtube....

So I have recently become hooked on Youtube. I like watching Madtv parody videos, some SNL clips and parts of shows that I'd like to see again, like Grey's Anatomy and Desperate Housewives.

Back when this episode aired (2005, I think), we had not even given adoption much thought. I was very sensitive to this though since we had tried to adopt in 2001/2002. It breaks my heart to see this scene and it is every adoptive mother's worst nightmare prior to finalization. I pray for anyone counting the days until consent is irrevocable or finalization day. I can't watch this without crying.

August 25th

Let me tell you about August 25th. In 1987, 20 years ago, my family packed up the car and headed north to Oneonta, NY. They were bringing me to college at SUNY Oneonta where I was starting as a freshman. The car ride was tense, my boyfriend (now husband) came at 5 or 6AM to say a tearful goodbye. We had been dating for exactly 6 months. The ride was quiet. I was doing OK until, until my sister commented that I had not cried about Jerry throughout the ride-then I started to bawl. We did get a laugh when we stopped for breakfast at the Roscoe Diner. My mother ordered two LARGE eggs, just the way she said it made us burst into laughter and still does to this day. I went on to meet three of my best friends that first week on college, right in good old Golding Hall.

Fast forward to 2006-August 25th, 2006 was supposed to be a good day. It was the day we had planned for me to have a c-section to deliver our 2nd baby. I miscarried at 9 1/2 weeks and that day turned into a very somber day for me last year. I found out the baby would have been a girl, but succumed to Turner's sydrome early in the pregnancy in spite of having seen a healthy heartbeat a 7 weeks. We were on vacation that week last year, but still, my thoughts that August 25th were on what could have been.

It's 2007 now, 20 years since I was a Freshman at Oneonta State. My best friends that I met that first week are still in close contact with me. We spent this August 25th at my cousin's wedding. It was a hot day, but a happy day to celebrate with family. I still remember what August 25th means to me-the good and the bad. This year has been good to us and I was happily showing off pictures of my two girls at the wedding.

August 25th will always have meaning though-that I can't deny...

Tidbits about fast food

Today marks the 40 years since McDonalds introduced the Big Mac! Happy birthday Big Mac!!! I love it, it's like a heart attack in a package. In honor of this special occassion, I heady over to MickeyD's myself. Every once in a while I need to indulge in fast food! The center piece of bun in the Big Mac makes it unique and stay together! What a genius who thought of that!

My 4 year old often goes to McDonalds and Burger King with her grandparents and is used to getting a toy with the kids meal. The other day she innocently asked my husband what he had for lunch. He said he had Burger King. Then she asked him in a serious voice "Did you get a toy with your hamburger?". We started laughing. In her world Burger King is free and a cool toy is always included. Oh to be an innocent child again!!!

Why is abortion so non chalant for some women?

I was at a party this weekend and talking to an acquaintance (woman) I knew from High school-our mutual friend was hosting the party. We were saying that in some ways, it would have been easier for our daughter's birthmother to have an abortion. I could understand that because it is very painful to live the rest of your life knowing you chose to give you a baby that is yours and that you loved because of circumstances in your life. Our daughter's birthmom was Catholic and although not a devout one, she felt that the baby was a life and that she could make a family happy by helping them out and giving them a child they so badly wanted. I really admire her and respect for choosing to honor and respect the baby she was carrying as a life and a person. I know every day in her heart she will always think of the baby she placed with us. That is a hard thing to live with. Enormous if you ask me.



The woman I was talking to says, "Oh yeah, I had two of THEM (meaning abortions) back in the day". She was just blurting it out with lots of people in earshot. I was taken back. I had two of THEM-like I had two cups of coffee at Starbucks?? It sounded so nonchalant and had no concern that she was talking about human life. Not to mention, I have close friends who have had abortions in the past and have told me in confidence and swore me never to tell another soul. At least they think of it now as something private.



I am pro choice and I think in certain cases abortion may be a better option-rape, incest, threatens the life of the mother, etc. I also think it is too easy to come by these days. Maybe there should be a waiting period of a few days or some other restrictions to make it less appealing as a way out of a problem. Maybe I take the life of a fetus very seriously because I had two miscarriages at 9 1/2 weeks each. I wished those babies would have hung on and I think of them all the time-what they would have looked like, what their personalities would have been, etc. I will never have the answers to those questions, I can only imagine.



Before Roe vs. Wade there were many more babies for adoption. Now to adopt a baby in the US is very difficult. I just look at my daughter and Thank God her birthmother chose to carry her to term and entrusted us with her life. I can't imagine my life without my baby in it. I would never have had this opportunity and she never would have had a chance at life. We have the gift of our baby in our lives every day and will share with her birthmom pictures, letters, updates, etc. I will forever thank God that this special woman chose life and didn't take abortion so non chalantly.

My baby is three months old today....

Happy three month birthday little girl!!! She actually went to a one year old birthday party yesterday-her first official party. She slept through most of it-LOL! It's a cool August day here in NY and I had to take a picture of her wearing this outfit that her big sister wore home from the hospital. She weighed all of 6 pounds and it was SWIMMING on her. We estimate that our little buttercup weighs 10pounds. The outfit is kinda big on her, but fits just right in length! Her next chekup is not for another month-four months. She's growing nicely though! She's doing better and spitting up less formula. She'll sleep like 12 hours at night (seriously) if I let her, but I'm a mean Mommy that wakes her up at 7AM for a bottle.

The last three months have been a whirlwind of craziness and happiness! I'm really enjoying my little girl. Every day I am thankful for her and think of her birthmom and the sacrifice she made. I love both my girls with all my heart. There isn't anything in the world I would not do for them! Here's a picture taken today at three months of our little buttercup, as we affectionately call her!!

First update to our birthmom

I will be sending out an update and pictures in two weeks to our daughter's birthmom. It's our first update. I like her a lot and feel totally comfortable updating her. I have a few pictures picked out that I will send. I am waiting for some pictures to come back from Sears, which we had taken last week.

Some family and friend shake their head like it's a bad thing that I will be sending pictures and a letter. I don't think of it that way at all. I think it will reassure her that the baby is doing fine and that she did make a good decision placing her with us. She kept her promise to us and did sign over rights to her baby, I have to keep my promise to her to update her as we agreed. Unless she tells me she no longer wishes to receive updates, I plan on sending them regularly. I have had a couple people in my family say that I should not send a really cute picture of her, try to send one where she doesn't look so good! OK first of all, she looks beautiful in every picture, second of all, it doesn't matter. No matter what, the consent she signed is irrevocable. She's all ours-forever!

I will type the letter (my handwriting stinks) and enclose three or so pictures. I am going to make the majority of the letter be an update on her growth, height, weight and things she is learning to do. I will then send it to her lawyer who will call her and let her know to pick it up. I hope she likes it and that it doesn't make her feel bad in any way.

I guess it will get easier after the first update. I really hope it makes her feel good and that she treasures the information and pictures I am sending. We are so grateful for the gift of our daughter. A stranger we met by chance did something for us that nobody else could do, not my sister or my best friend. How do you ever, ever thank someone who had given you the gift of a beautiful baby? Keep your promise to her. Send updates as planned. I think of her and pray for her every single day-I promised her that too and every day I keep that promise.

I have the Career blues...

I was layed off at the end of April with lots of severence and just started unemployment. I had a good job as a systems analyst with a major corporation just two miles from my house. Good benefits, no money on gas and I could even wear jeans. The work wasn't challenging, but I wasn't going anywhere. I have been layed off from the IT field twice in the last five years, both from major corporations who could have the work done cheaper in other parts of the country or outside the country all together.

Now I am unsure what to do with my career. It's unlikely that I will find a job less than 1/2 hour from home. I will have to pay out at least $2000 a month in daycare and drive to two different daycare everyday. After daycare, lunch, gas and wear and tear on the car, I will be lucky to make $500 a month. My older daughter is in preschool and I have to send her no matter what, so I am down $800 a month either way.

I am going to stay home at least until my unemployment ends. I don't know if I should just stay home to my older daughter goes to first grade (two years away!) Kindergarten here is 1/2 day and you have to pay $500 a child to go the other half of the day. I am going a little crazy home, but hate to put the baby in daycare at an early age. I also feel like I should go into a new field completely and forget about a future in IT. I really have no desire to sit in an office from 9-5 anymore.
I've been doing that since I was 23.

I am taking a notary class and will take the test in September. I want to take a class on loan closing. I would like to work freelance as a loan closer and maybe start a mobile notary business. I am going to give it a try, but if it doesn't bring in the money I had hoped, I don't know what my next move is. As a loan closer, I wouldn't have to put the baby in daycare, I can have family watch her a few hours here and there. I have lots of connections in the mortgage business, but I worry about the housing market and interest rates and how that can determine my success. I guess I will give it a try, I just don't have plan B in my head and that worries me.

Hail to our chief

NOT! It took our wonderful President two days to travel to Minneapolis to tour the damage and meet with people who were rocked by this tragedy. It took him a few days to get to New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina. Someone on his staff should tell him that immediate response and travel is needed when an area of your country suffers a disaster. Seems to me, when Jeb Bush was the Governor of Florida and we had a bad season of hurricanes, George W., was quick to head on down to Florida, and offer condolences and aid. Hmmmm, I wonder why?

Maybe he was vacationing the last few days and hated to cut his vacation short? Maybe he didn't think it was important enough to alter his schedule immediately. Actions speak louder than words. We don't count to this president. He doesn't care about us, his people, at all. He doesn't care that gasoline is over $3 a gallon, or billions are being wasted on a war with Iraq that we never should have entered, or that a gallon of milk is $4.50 or that professional people are being layed off in drones because the work can be done cheaper in other countries. He has destroyed this country since he took office. I have no idea how many years post Bush, it's going to take to get us back on our feet again as a country.

My income and life were so much better before he took office. I had a well paying job and had just bought a nice house. I have since been layed off twice, as have many of my friends. I don't even want to go back to the IT field, since I will only be laid off in a couple of years. Jobs are not stable, they pay less then they did in most fields, interest rates are unstable, the housing market stinks and foreclosures are rampant. There is no security anymore.

All I can say is THANK GOD George will be out in 2008. Thank God there is no third term for a president. Although I would have loved to keep Bill Clinton around for one more term! I just can't wait for inauguration day in 2009!!!

My worst fear...

My friends and family all know my worst fear-being trapped in my car, submerged in water with my kids. I have asthma and can't hold my breath for long at all. In the unlikely event that I wound up submergered, I really don't think I would stand a chance. It scares me to death. Even more so, how would I get my girls out-strapped in the backseat in their car seats. My youngest one is now rear facing on only 2 months old. I have nightmares about it. Two months ago, I had a dream that my and my husband and the kids were driving near a lake in the fog and my husband couldn't see where the water's edge was and we went into the water. I paniced immediately and I can't even remember the rest of the dream.

I talk about my fear so much, my bowling partner Michelle bought be a device to break the car window and cut the seat belt in this kind of emergency. Now that's a friend. It gives me a little hope, but I still fear it terribilly. I will just have to put my hopes on odds and that it never ever happens to me. I will keep my little emergency device close at hand though. I pray I never meet a fate like those involved in the Minneapolis Bridge collapse. It's amazing as many people survived though, it could have been worse.

I hadn't thought about my fear in a few months. Ironically, at 6:45 Eastern Time, I took my older daughter to pajama story time at the libary and then to carvel for ice cream (buy one get one free night). On the drive home, I started to think about my fear of being submerged in water and I could not shake the thought. I came home at 8:15 PM our time and my husband immediately told me what happened. I had thought about it, before knowing it even happened. It's almost as if I had some kind of a preminition. Another proof of my 6th sense....

I survived my 20 year High School reunion!

I survived! Friday night was a casual mixer at a bar. I brought my friend and fellow graduate Randi with me. She wasn't going to come, but had a blast. By 12:30 I was ready to go home. She stayed out till 3AM. I'll too old for that.

The girls looked good. Easy to tell whose who, many of them looked the same or very much the same. The guys-that's another story. Many of them, it was hard to tell who they were. Most of them were balder, if not completely bald, looked different and were heavier. There were some exceptions and I did see some "hottie" guys, but it was a little shocking.

The talk was "where do you live?", "Are you married?", "where do you work?", and "How many kids do you have?" I was so happy to say I have two beauiful girls. I was glad to see some people, there were others I never talked to in High School and really had nothing to say 20 years later.

Satuday night was the formal event. Dinner, DJ, the whole shabang. My husband decided last minute not to go. I was fine with that. He never went to my High School and knew nobody. He's also very shy. I brought Randi again and we had a good time. Some people that were not there Friday night came. It was nice to see how many people came from far away. It was sad to learn two members of our class had passed away, one just a few years ago, and rather suddenly. He was at the 10 year reunion and was very good looking and popular in high school.

It was great catching up with people. There was a slide show featuring pictures from high school! There was another slide show featuring pictures of graduates with their families/kids now. Too bad I did not know, I could have sent in a picture of my girls! I talked to the guy I graduated with who used to live in my house (we bought if from his parents in 1999). That was funny-he wanted to know if I was taking care of his house! The two guys I LOVED throughout high school did not come to the reunion, so I was a little bummed.

I had a good time talking to the ladies that still live in the area and we are going to get together with our kids soon. Many of these people, I won't see again for another 5 or 10 year, whenever the next reunion is. I hope to go to the next reunion thinner and more confident. Not having been in shape was a real downer for me and I was kind of self conscious. I wasn't the only woman there who shops in Lane Bryant, let's just put it that way.

I'll be turning heads at the next reunion!!!!

Kudos to my brother!

My brother is such a great guy! He just came back from vacation and flew in from Myrtle Beach, SC. He ate dinner and insisted on stopping by to see family and drop off their souveniers. That was so nice of him considering what a busy day he had and he still had to drive another 35 minutes north to get home.

He bought us a lovely picture frame with a lighthouse. He gave Jacqueline two necklaces, one of a turtle an one of a butterfly-which she loved! He managed to find Jenna a sippy cup with her name on it. It's so cool! He was headed to my sister's house to give his other two neices their trinkets. He's so thoughtful. I am so glad he's Jenna's Godfather. He was so glad Jac liked her gifts. He made him try each necklace on her-it was so cute. He helps my two neices regularly with art projects and does an awesome job.

He's such a great brother and Uncle. He's 32. We hope he meets someone soon and gets married someday. He would make a great husband and father. Here's a selfless plug for my brother. He's 32, single, Catholic, in retail management, works hard, doesn't drink or do drugs. He's working on losing a few pounds. His biggest problem is he is shy. Approaching women and asking for a date will never be his thing. I am encouraging him to join e harmoney or match.com, but he's not one to check his email very often.

Here's a picture of him. If you know any nice, single women in their mid to late 20's or early 30's, in the Hudson Valley area of NY, feel free to contact him through his myspace page...which he just set up.

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=215906075

OK where do I complain about shopping carts???

Yes, I am totall annoyed with the manufacturers of grocery shopping carts. I often shop at the A&P. The first time I took Jenna in her carrier, I was going to place her in the front and put my groceries in the bottom of the cart. WRONG!!! Because of the ads for real estate agents, insurance agents and mortgage brokers, my Graco carrier that 3 1/2 years ago fit perfectly in the front of the cart, no longer does. It must be the stupid ads on the cart. That's the difference and why they no longer fit. The first time I tried shopping with Jenna, I was in denial and kept trying to make it fit. I finally gave up and just put her in the bottom of the cart (poor thing). Luckily my husband was with me. He took a separate cart for the groceries. The same thing happened to us in Acme Supermarket in NJ.

I think it's terrible! They say they have wagons with carriers attached. They do. They are dirty and disgusting and I am not ever placing my baby in that carrier. Forget it.

I seriously want to complain! When I go to Walmart, Home Depot and BJs her carrier fits-but they don't have ads on the cart. I guess money and greed are more important then people, safety and concern for customers.

Am I the only one that has had this problem with a carrier and shopping carts???

Back from vacation!

Yes, we are back from our 5 day vacation. The weather in Wildwood Crest was very nice. Sunny and hot. Every day was a beach day. We spent much less time at the beach this year. Jenna is too young for sunblock and very fair. We covered her up and put her under the umbrella, but still I was worried the rays would get to her. Sometimes my husband and Jacqueline went to the beach or pool and I stayed in the room with the baby. Oh well, we knew it was going to be challenging this year. I made our plans before I knew Jenna was coming into our lives. I did not think it was fair to Jacqueline not to go on vacation at all. We usually go with family, but this year we were on our own, which did not help.

I did not have to cook and did have a nice view of the ocean! We spent quality time all cozy in one room! It was a nice change of scenery. We used to spend hours and hours on the beach before kids! Eat at fancy restaurants and go to Atlantic City at night-those were the days! We'll do that again-in about 20 years!

Even with limited time in the sun, I was still happy to be there. The last time we were in Wildwood was the last week of August, 2006. It rained almost every day-we could not go to the beach-the weather sucked. To make matters worse, I had taken clomid and we were actively TTC that week, even with family in other bedrooms. We just did it because we had to. I also was to have a C section on August 25, 2006, but lost that baby at nearly 10 weeks. That thought really played in my mind last year. It was a depressing vacation across the board. Ironically, we believe Jenna was conceived that same week and unknown to us, our daughter was created. This was a MUCH better vacation.

Next year, I can slather Jenna with sunblock and spend more time on the beach. But on the flip side, she will probably be toddling around and we will be chasing after her. I have come to the conclusion that mothers never have a vacation. I was still doing all my motherly duties-just somewhere else. I wouldn't have it any other way. I still pinch myself sometimes. For years I dreamed of being on the beach with my two kids and this year, my dream became a reality.
We feel incredibly fortunate to have our two miracle girls!

A vacation with just me and my hubby would be relaxing, but I don't think I would know what to do with myself LOL!

Vacation was fun, but THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME!

My dream was a visitation

I had a vivid dream last night and I know it was more than just a dream-it was a visit. It was incredibly lucid and clear. I have had them before-not in a while. I talked with and saw this deceased person and felt a sense of calm and happiness when I woke up? Has anyone ever had this happen to them? I KNOW I have a 6th sense and can sense things other people cannot. I have a connection to the afterworld and it warns me when I should beware and calms me when everything is going to be OK.

This dream involved my best friend from High school's mother, who died in 1990 of lung cancer. When I met her in 1983, she was probably 50, but years of smoking had aged her skin and I thought she looked older then her age. To me she looked old, but when you are 14 everyone looks old. She was always very fond of me and I think somewhat amused. I spent countless hours at their house when I was in High School. In the dream, she looked about 35. I remember her skin was so soft and perfect and unwrinkled in the dream. She was smiling and laughing and talking to me on the front steps of my parents house. I don't know what we were talking about, but she was so happy and beautiful, that's all I remember. When I woke up, I felt a sense of calm and happiness. I really felt as if I had talked to her and visited with her. I emailed her daughter, who I was best friends with in High school and told her the whole dream. I am curious to see what her response is.

I felt as if I had received a blessing of sorts from her. Maybe it's because I recently adopted and her other daughter had adopted almost 20 years ago? Was a sign I needed to reach out to my old friend. I don't know, but I know it was more than a dream. It was a visit. Maybe she knows I would be receptive of her visit. The word visitation may be incorrect and I don't want to offend anyone, but that is the best way to describe it.

Did my friend have a similar dream? Why did I have this dream? I had not thought of her in quite some time. Nobody even mentioned her name to me. I guess there is a higher purpose!

Who should host THE PRICE IS RIGHT??

Well I know who should NOT host it-Rosie O'Donnell. Thank God that's not happening. I swear I would never watch it again and I do love that show. I think John O'Hurley (better known as Mr. Peterman from Seinfeld) would make a great host, but that's just my feelings!

I did watch the last episode of The Price is Right. That last contestant raked in the big bucks! I felt like an era was ending. My grandparents who are now deceased LOVED to watch the Price is Right. I think their worlds stopped at 11AM every morning to watch it. I felt like a personal era of my own was ending with Bob Barker retiring. I guess I will always have fond memories of my Grandma Mary in the recliner yelling at prices! A new era will soon begin!

Update on my girls!

My blogging is way behind! Last weekend Jacqueline had her long awaited dance receital. She looked terrific and danced well-we were so proud of her. When she danced to "I hope you dance", it was one of the best four minutes of my life. Absolutely priceless. She did wear makeup for the first time. It was recommended as the stage lights tend to make the girls look pale. Here's my ballerina girl! Where have the 4 1/2 year gone!

On June 21, Jenna went to the pediatrician for her one month checkup. She is now 7 pounds 2 oz ( u p from birthweight of 5 pounds 8 oz) and 20 inches (up for 19 inches). She's in the 25th percentile for height and weight and 50th for head circumference. She is healthy and doing great! We are so blessed and thrilled to have her. I have no doubt she was destined to be our daughter! Here she is as 25 days old. We're using this picture for the baby announcement!

Sorry-here's part two of our adoption story

Sorry that a day turned into a week and a half but here is the rest of the story...

We walked into the hospital and asked for our birthmother. A nurse led us to the room and there she was holding Jenna. I was a little taken back because she originally said she would not hold her. She said she was crying and she gave her some formula. I am glad she did spend a few hours with her. I was taken back with how tiny, but beautiful Jenna was. For a baby delivered with a quik naturally delivery, she looked great. No cone head or marks on her. She was perfect. After two minutes, her birthmom said to me "Here's your daughter Mom, come and hold her!" The words I had waited to hear! We hung out with her birthmom that afternoon and all stayed in the same room with the baby.

Her best friend came by and we met him, which was nice, since she spoke so much about him. He took her home. She left the hospital less then 7 hours after giving birth. Her 6 year old daughter, who knew nothing of the pregnancy, was being dropped off by her Dad. She was such a trooper. I think it was easier on her if she left the hospital quickly. I walked with the nurse as she wheeled her downstairs. I hugged her when she got in the car and cried as I got into the elevator with the nurse. I told her I would think of her every day of my life and we were so thankful for this gift of our daughter. I cried for her, a mother leaving the hospital empty handed. I really broke down in the elevator. Here was a single mom, struggling financially, she worked, took good care of her six year old, was not a druggie or alcohol. Just a hardworking single mom who could not afford another kid. Under difference circumstances, I would have been friends with her.

She did come back to the hospital the next day with a friend who was dying to see the baby. Her friend held the baby for a while and then we asked if she did. She held Jenna like 10 seconds and started to break down. She handed her back to me and said she had to leave, it was too much for her. That is the last time she saw the baby and I think she knew it would be the last time she saw her in person for a long, long time. It was so sad.

On Tuesday, May 22nd, they released Jenna to us and we took her home from the hospital and to the hotel. My inlaws and four year old daughter came up that afternoon and Jacqueline met her little sister for the first time, it was quite a moment. She loved her from the minute she saw her. She was so ready to be a big sister.

On Thursday May 24th, we were notified that Jenna's birthmom went to court and relinquished her rights. It was the great news we had been waiting for. I heard it was incredibly hard for her at court and she did breakdown. We had more family come up Memorial Day weekend. It was nice to see family and they were so excited for us. On Tuesday, May 29th, we got a call from our attorney that ICPC clearance came through and we could leave. We called our birthmom and told her and she came to our hotel to say goodbye. I met her daugther and she met our older daughter in person. We had bought her and her daughter a few gifts.

We left right after that and headed home. We got home 10 pm that night, but were so happy to be home. We felt so lucky for how smoothly everything went and how fortunate we are in general. We are now a family of four! I an still in shock!

So much has happened-we have a daughter-part one

I have not logged anything in weeks-so much has happened. Long story short, we have a daughter!!! Our beautiful daughter Jenna was born May 20th, 2007. She weighed 5 pounds 8 oz and was 19 inches tall. She is beautiful and healthy and we are still in amazement at how perfectly everything worked out.

In spite of how promising everything looked, I still refused to get excited. Things progressed. On 5/17 she called to say she was in labor and they thought she would deliver that night. We headed up to NH and checked into a hotel. By Saturday the 19th, nothing was happening. We were bored and anxious and missing our DD. I was sleeping with clothes on every night LOL. We met for lunch and said bye to her on Saturday. We joked that we'd pull into our driveway and she would call.

Well, 14 hours later, she did call. She was in labor 8 CM dialated and admitted to the hospital. It takes 4 hours to get there, so we knew we were not going to make the birth. We got grandma and grandpa to pick up our four year old and packed and headed out. She called us at 11:30 AM to say our daughter was born at 11:12AM. She told us her size and that she was beautiful and healthy. We were still three hours away-we couldn't get there fast enough.

Part two comes tomorrow!

Adoption update....good news

We have been pursuing domestic private adoption and were homestudy approved 1/2/07. On 4/27 I got laid off from work. That night I get a call from a potential birthmother in NH. I'm at a play and don't answer. She leaves a voicemail and I return her call the next day. She never calls me back. On 5/6, I decide to follow up and call her again. We talk for over an hour and she likes us and I already like her. We mail her a profile, and within a week, she meets with the lawyer and gets things in motion. She thinks she is due in 4-6 weeks.

Our birthmother finally went to the doctor yesterday for the first time. She had no prenatal care, because she had no insurance, but everthing is perfect. She was there for like 4 hours and they packed 9 months worth of visits in one visit. We know the sex of the baby............ it's a GIRL!!!!

It gets better-according to the ultrasound....the baby was due 6 DAYS ago!!!!!! She is 3 cm dialated! She thinks she will hang in there a few more days-maybe by this weekend??? The baby was approximately 7 pounds 3 oz as of yesterday. We have no idea what we are going to name her. Whenever we head to NH, we are taking my laptop so I will be online, although very infrequently. I will try to keep everyone.

Our birthmom is wonderful. She is so glad she can do this for our family. She's thanking us for adopting the baby!

Please pray that everything goes smoothly and that we are home with our daughter very soon! Like they say, one door opens, another closes. I believe in fate and destiny and I think this baby girl was meant to be ours.

Is this a sign?

Well on Sunday night, I had a very nice conversation with a birthmom that is due in 5 weeks. She sounds serious about placing the baby for adoption. Our profile was overnighted yesterday and she should get it today. All we can do is cross our fingers that this turns out to be our baby and not just another disappointment.

Here's the ironic thing. I woke up this morning to what sounded like a newborn baby crying. I don't know where it came from. Our bedroom window was partially open, but nobody in the neighborhood has a baby. I thought maybe it was a kitten, but it really didn't sounds like one, it sounded like a newborn crying. I know it was not in my mind I really, really heard it. There are condos up the hill from us, so my best guess is that's where it came from. In my mind I took this as a sign of things to come. Maybe I will be waking up to the sound of a newborn crying very very soon!

Celebrate!!!

It was a beautiful day yesterday in Suburban NY and my neice received First Holy Communion. She looked beautiful-like a bride! It was nice to have our family together to celebrate such a special event. We had a wonderful time at the party and the DJ played lots of games with the kids. Our daughter had a blast! The food was great. What a shame the party just flew by. I could have kept on partying!!!

Lots of people asked how the adoption process was going and are routing for us, even having spoken to some people on our behalf-I was kinda blown away by that. People are really so eager to help us-it's terrific!

At one point, my heart just sunk for my daugther. All the kids were on the dance floor and the DJ said "Quick everybody grab a partner!" All the kids on the dance floor were girls and they grabbed their sisters. My daughter looked around and realized she was the only one without a sibling to grab, shrugged her shoulders and left the dance floor. Her actions just spoke volumes.

I hope in years to come, she does have a little playmate/sibling to do things with. I pray for that every single day!

A victim of corporate downsizing (again)

So on Friday, I became another victim of corporate downsizing. Yes I was layed off. I did get a nice severence package, but still it's not what I wanted. I was going to get $5,000 adoption assistance from this company and it was VERY close to my house.

This is the 2nd time in five years I have been layed off by a corporate downsizing. It stinks. You go to college, get educated, find a good job, only to spend your days worrying about when you will meet the grim reaper. I guess I am lucky, I think in the future, corporations will be offering little or no severence. Rumor has it that our company was going to discontinue severence in 2008.

I am fine with it. It was hard to say goodbye to dozens of people and pack my desk in a matter of hours, but I did it and I am really fine with it. I hope to focus on decluttering my house and spending more time with our daughter. I can also focus on adoption related activities as well. I was rather burned out and really can use a break.

I feel like I have been given a ticket to freedom. I think I will try my hand at my own home business (maybe ebay?) and hope to me my own boss soon, doing what I want to do.

Congrats Kyle and Crystal on your baby girl

This morning I opened by email to get a much anticipated email from my
adoption friend Crystal. The baby she is going to adopt was born on 4/24.
I got a quick email on 4/23 saying the birthmom was being induced and they were off to the airport! the gender was unknown four weeks ago when they were selected, but I correctly guessed girl! She has no name yet, but is a cutie-I saw 60 pictures of her courtesy of proud Mommy!

They were matched through Project Cuddle which is such a wonderful organization. They are the 2nd couple since Dec 2006 who I know and who has adopted with their help.

What impressed me the most about the pictures I saw were the smiles on their faces. They were glowing. They are young and have not been trying to adopt all that long, but I can tell by the smile on their faces, they were estatic! I can't wait to see more pictures of their little girl and find out what they decide to name her!

Crystal is my adoption buddy and we often referred situations to each other. She is still promoting our adoption website www.ouradoptionplan.com whenever she can!

Congrats again! I was so happy to hear the good news. This is one lucky baby girl to be raised by such loving parents!

Adoption comes with a price

I made some phone calls last week and was in contact with an adoption agency in Arkansas that can work with NY families. I was excited, because most can't and Arkansas has some great adoption laws. I sent them our names and address and they sent us an information packet, which I received yesterday. I will not mention the name of the agency, but they do many placements a year.

When I opened it up, I was outraged. There was a price list for adoptions and it was broken up into three catagories as follows:

Caucasian baby-$25,000
Biracial baby $15,000
Baby of color (I guess they mean African American) $10,000

WHAT???? Why is one baby more than another. Every baby is a precious life. I know their are a shortage of families that wish to adopt biracial or African American babies and making the price affordable would help, but this is rediculous. Why can't it be actual medical and birthmother costs plus a flat fee of say $5,000 or $10,000, which can be reduced for harder to place babies. These prices don't include traveling and all legal fees.What has become of our society? In reality, a birthmom may have medical insurance and have very little financial need. I guess they are making over $20,000 on her if she is caucasian. Less if the
baby is not full caucasian. Do they treat birthmothers carrying caucasian babies differently? I would hope not! Are they reluctant to take on birthmothers with medical bills because it cuts into their profits?

This sounds like buying a car, you can get a bare bones Nissan Sentra for $10K, an Altima for $15K and if you have the money, you can get a fancy Murano for $25K.

Putting price tags on these situations makes is seem inhumane. We are talking about people and the life of an infant here, not a financial transaction.

I guess it comes down to supply and demand. Caucasian infants are in demand And agencies and facilitators know they can get top dollar placing these babies.
Just another reason why I am in favor of independent private adoption. A birthmother can go online or read a newspaper and talk to and decide from an unlimited number of couples, who should adopt her baby. There are no hidden motives. All hopeful adoptive parents that are advertising are homestudy approved. Adoptive parents, if chosen, pay all legal, medical, counseling, as well as allowable living fees, if needed. Our attorney has done adoptions this way for as little as $6,000.

As you may have already guessed, we're not signing on with this agency.

This gets me ticked off! Adoption rant!

Ok so I am surfing the net and look at adoption related information (yet again!)
I visit this facilitators site where she posts all the available situations. She posts the a brief info on the birthmother, the baby's due date, gender (if known) and baby's race.n Couples that use her can let her know if they are interested in a certain birthmother's situtation.

There is this one situtaion for a caucasian baby (gender unknown) and three couples are interested. Let me rephrase that, two couples are interested and a third is only intersted if it' s a girl! Sorry that ticks me off. I don't care if you had 10 boys at home, when you sign on to adopt you should accept a boy or girl. Either sex!

I look at it this way-if a woman is pregnant, she should love and accept the baby regardless of it's a boy or a girl. Right? There would be no chosing, you accept what God sends you. I get so ticked when I saw that-only interested if it's a girl! Adoption is about giving a baby a loving home and nurturing them for the rest of their lives, it's not about picking and choosing the perfect baby to your specifications.

I am happy to see that an overwhelming number of adoptive parents are not picky about the sex of the baby and many are open to different races, drug and alcohol exposure, mental illness history and special needs. I believe there is a family for every baby out there. No child should not have a family to shower him or her with love.

We live in NY and it seems we have cooties here. Nobody wants to work with us. I can't tell you how many situations I see on the internet that do not allow families from NY to apply. Why isn't there universal adoption law in the US? We can't use referrals, lawyer or facilitators to help us make the match. Our only options are networking, newspaper ads and internet advertising. So far all my hard work had gotten us nowhere.

I get an email of a baby boy born two months ago with serious heart problems and he is in need of an open heart surgery to repair the two holes in his heart. Of course it said "No NY families". I emailed the coordintor back and advised if nobody indicates that would like to adopt the child with medical needs, we would be interested if they can find a way to work with NY state law. We live one hour North of NYC, where there is the best caridac care. My Daughter was born with a congenital heart defect and we have been seeing a pediatric cardiologist since I was 20 weeks pregnant. We feel confident we could help this baby.

We are so eager to adopt that we would take a boy or girl and will consider all situations. We are not closed minded and picky. If I had to present my self as a birthmom when I was pregnant, the write up would not have resulted in many interested adoptive parents.

I have decided that I am helping all my online adoption buddies and am forwarding them situations that I see that would be good for them, most of which we are ineligible for. I know it will come back to me 10 fold.

Parent Profiles here we come!

We were activated with parentprofiles.com today.
I am getting tired and frustrated with placing ads in
newspapers. I am hoping that this increases our exposure
and we make some real birthmother contacts. I am hoping
to be one of the 18-20 success stories they claim happen
every month. Me and the other 372 hopefuly adoptive couples
listed! I was against if for the longest time, but the exposure
is worth $99 a month. We're spending so much money
adoption, what's another $99 bucks!

I am concerned that when people see our picture and
see the three of us (my daugther plus us), they will
not be interested. I know that's a silly way to think, but
I know that people are more sympathetic to childless
couples, almost to the point of descrimating against
couples with children, especially biological children.
I can't tell you how many times I heard "At least you
have your daughter, some couples have NO children!"

I think we are excellent parents, and unlike first time
parents, we have experience. We would not be nervous
when the baby has a fever and we know what to do.
We've been through all these stages before. I also know
what it's like to be pregnant and can sympathize with
birthmothers. I think we have so many positive qualities
and hope that we don't get overlooked by potential birthmoms.
Here's to matching with a birthmom! We want to be
an adoption success story!

Here's our parentprofiles site:

http://www.parentprofiles.com/profiles/db20729.html

Somewhere out there...

Somewhere out there is our baby. I just have to find him or her. I don't know how long it's going to take. We are doing all the right things-networking, proming our adoption website, advertising in newspapers and even signing up with rescue organizations. The last three months have felt like an eternity with much of my free time being spent on adoption actitivities.

We are comtemplating signing up with Parentprofiles.com. The success stories are few and far between, but for $99 a month you do get a lot of exposure. Maybe we possess something that the other 366 couples that are up there don't. We are spending like $1500 a month in newspaper ads and have had no good contacts to show for it.

I know our luck can change on a moments notice, but right now I feel like I am spinning my wheels and getting nowhere with the adoption process.

Tomorrow is another day and who knows what the day brings-right?

Just one of the many reasons I love my husband!

The year was 1987. We started dating in February of 1987, but had actually met
in October of 1986 casually. I had thick high jet black hair like an 80's video vixen.
He was thin as a rail and wore hi top sneakers. What a pair we were. Life was
easy and simple. No worries, no bills, no issues-we just had fun together-all the
time. By Christmas of 1990, he suprised me with the perfect engagement ring.
I would have picked the same one if I had chosen it. It fit perfectly too! By September 1992, we were married and celebrated with a fancy Italian wedding. Life was good. Of course we had bills, work and less of a carefree life, but we were still having fun!

Here it is 20 years later and we're still having fun. The highlight of the week may be just sitting down together to watch Desperate Housewives. Life is complicated-juggling work, money, owning a house, raising a child and trying to adopt a baby. Some days it's downright stressful. Things at my job are up in the air. I am afraid I could be layed off. He says to me "Don't worry, I support whatever you do.". That is so nice to hear. If I want to make ebay my full time job and work from home, he'll support that. If I decided to pursue a career as a loan closer and take the notary public test, he supports that as well. If I choose to find another 9-5 job, that's fine with him. Considering we really do need two incomes, I am surprised he is so calm about it. He has more faith in me then I do some days. For that I feel like the luckiest woman alive.