Have we found our birthmother??

We may have. I got an email Wedneday night from a woman in Oklahoma City whose sister is due January 9th!!! Yes that soon! On Friday night I spoke to the birthmom and she is interested in us. I called our lawyer and spoke to her. The birthmom is native American Indian (Choctaw) and the tribe must approve the adoption. She said she will make a bunch of phone calls first thing Tuesday morning to find out if the tribe will approve the adoption. So we are in a holding pattern. I have been emailing the sister every day and she has sent me pictures and even a sonogram of the almost due baby-who is a boy! The seem like nice caring people and we will send them photos and updates of the baby if this adoption is a success.

We do want to obtain the medical records of the birthmom before we commit, but we are hopefully optimistic the tribe will agree to the adoption. Our lawyer has handled Native American Adoptions before is knows what to do.

In the meantime, the Christmas tree must come down ASAP, we are having two parties for our daughters birthday next weekend-Saturday for kids and Sunday for family. Who knows, we may be going to Oklahoma shortly after that!

I'll update as soon as I know more information!

Happy New Year!! 2007 is starting off promising!

What a great Christmas!

Just a quick post to say what a great Christmas we had. I think everyone liked the presents I bought! That made me happy. Good food (too much of it), good times with family and lots of nice gifts.

The best part was seeing our daughter's reaction to the gifts! She checked to see if Santa came and then went running into our room screaming 'He Came! Santa was here!" She was loving opening the gifts and playing with them. Lots of WOWs and excitment. It make everything worth it. This is what Christmas is all about! Kids loving presents! She is at such a great age! Although she is afraid of Santa, she was happy that he came and ate some cookies! She was excited that the reindeer ate their carrots too!

I hope she is this enthusiastic about Christmas for years to come. She even wore her Christmas dress all day long. She is my princess! Maybe next year there will be one more little person to spoil!

So I really have to go to work tomorrow???

A Difficult Christmas

This year will be a difficult Christmas. It was only a few days after Christmas 2005, that I discovered I was pregnant. Almost a Christmas miracle. In my mind, I had fast forwarded to Christmas 2006 and a photo my TWO children. I should have been holding a four month old baby right now. I keep thinkingI should have been buying little presents for our little one. Blocks, rattles, infant toys, maybe some clothes.

Just having one more healthy baby would have made me complete. I know the first Christmas after a loss is hard. At least I have on little sonogram picture I can look at from time to time. I look and stare and hold it under light and try to see anything distinguishable, but I can't. Just a little tiny bubble of a baby at 9 weeks with arm buds, tiny leg buds and round little head. She will forever be 9 weeks in my mind and in my heart. I will never get to know what she would have looked like or been like. That's the part of miscarriage that bothers mothers so much, it's the death of a person you never got to know and can only imagine. My gut feeling was right and we did find out the baby was a girl. That's all I will ever know. I will remember my two angels every always, but this year is the hardest by far. Only the mother of an angel will ever understand.

My husband I can't wait to say goodbye to 2006, the year we swore would be our best back in January 2006 when I was newly pregnant and everything looked fine. We are looking forward to 2007 and hopes that a 2nd child will join our family through the miracle of adoption. 2006 was a disaster on almost all accounts. I have even gained a noticable amount of weight from the infertility drugs and stress. Next year will be better-it has to be.

Our homestudy is complete!!

I feel so relieved. Our homestudy was completed Monday night and it went very well. We should get the report in a few weeks. I feel like celebrating. I was so scared and worried about how well I should clean my house and I worried myself far more than I needed to. It really was not hard at all. The paperwork we had to do in advance was trying at times, but it's so worth it!

If a situation were to arise where the birthmom chose us and is due tomorrow, we could take custody of the baby. How exciting to know that our lives can change on a moments notice! I am now working on our "Dear Birthmother Letter" and profile. Our website looks good although I may tweak that too..

http://ouradoptionplan.com

Our daughter doesn't really know what's going on. We wil tell her cautiously when it seems we are matched. I told her a lady was coming to our house to do a report on our family and she wanted to meet her.

I can't wait to start advertising in January (wait until the holidays are over) and put our profile on parentprofiles.com.

I really think we will be matched soon. Our social worker and laywer also feel we will be lucky in a short time!! I'm smiling from ear to ear.

Open Letter to a mother who abandoned her newborn

Dear Birthmom who abandoned her baby,

What were you thinking? You left a newborn girl with the umbilical cordstill attached in an unlocked carthis morning in a parking lot in Victory Gardens, NJ. It was litterallyfreezing outside and probably nearly as cold inside the car. A few blanketssurrounded the baby. Luckily someone found her after only half an hour andshe is doing great. Haven't you ever heard ofsafe haven laws? You could have left that baby safely at a fire department,police department or hospital with no questions askedand faced no criminal charges. You could have made an adoption plan weeksor months ago and blessed a luckycouple with this baby girl. There are dozens of sites likeparentprofiles.com where birthmother can locate adoptive parents.

I called St. Claire's hospital in Denville, NJ to inquire about your littlegirl and the possibility of adopting her. The womanI spoke to was touched at how concerned I was for your baby. Once I saw thepicture of this little girl with black hair,I had to try to do something. She almost looks like me when I was born.They took my name and number and said someonewould get back to me, but in all liklihood, she would be going through theNJ State adoptive services system. Since Ilive in NY, chances are slim that I have a real chance at adopting yourbaby. What a shame. If only you would have reachedout, you would be better off for it, your baby would be and a family wouldbe celebrating a little girls birth at a NJ hospital.

Please please please! Any woman thinking of abandoning a newborn orbaby-think safe haven or make an adoption plan.I know you are scared-but there is help out there. Make the right decision.Don't face criminal charges. You may havemade one mistake by getting pregnant-don't make a 2nd mistake and abandon apoor helpless baby possibly leaving it to die.

Here is the news story about this:
Baby found abandoned in a car in NJ

I want to make a difference

The other day I read a horrifying story on how a newborn was found dead in a shopping bag at a Long Island, NY train station. The baby was probably left sometime after midnight and not discovered until 9:30AM the next morning. Hundreds walked pasted the bag thinking it was garbage that did not fit in the trash can. That makes me sick that someone could kill a baby and leave it or leave it die. There are safe haven laws in NY. All the mother had to do was bring the baby to a police station, fire dept. or hospital and the baby could have lived and be adopted and she would not be facing criminal charges. There are thousands of couples that would have jumped at the opportunity to adopt this poor little normal sized newborn baby boy who never had a chance at life.

This happens all over the country a few times a week. Do these women not know about safe haven laws? They must be scared teens that hid their pregnancy and are afraid to even show their faces for a second at a local hospital. I heard some safe havens are getting a baby drop off.
There is a window that can be opened on the outside and a baby placed on a tray. The person making the dropoff can ring a bell which alerts staff to come to the window and that a baby has been dropped off. Would that help in reducing the instances of this happening?

My best friend said I could make a difference. I need to do something to spread the word about safe haven laws. I could contact local TV stations and see if they would air 15 or 30 second spots about the safe haven laws for free. I know some TV producers from my TV production days that would probably do some simple commercials for little to no money. I could contact project cuddle about advertising nationwide to try to help reduce the number or abandoned infants. I really feel I can and should make a difference!

As soon as my homestudy is complete, I will be sending in our application to be a rescue family for project cuddle. Visit their website and learn how you can help!

So much to do-so little time!

I feel as if all of a sudden the holidays are right upon us! I have so much holiday related stuff to do, plus I am reorganizing my daughters room and must do a thorough cleaning of the house in preparation for our homestudy on 12/11. I am excited and nervous all at the same time. Our social worker sounds great and I know other couples that used her, I feel comfortable with her.

I was sick through the Thanksgiving weekend and got nothing done around the house, but did get a little shopping done. So much to do so little time. My best friend is helping me on Thursday night organize my daugther's room that is over run with clothes she outgrew!

I hope by next weekend things are a little more under control. I have a few vacation days I am using to get stuff done, for the adoption and for the holidays. I picked the best time to dive right into adoption huh!

On a brighter note, it seems I survived the corporate merger and have a new manager who I hear is a really nice lady. I will know more in the upcoming weeks, but I feel a sense of relief and feel confident I still have a job. I hope so, my company pays up to $5,000 towards adoption assistance!

The three snowmen

Yes this is a wierd title, but I will explain it.

I have been working on the photo and layout for our Christmas card, which is photo of our daughter in her Christmas dress. I upload my photos to walmart and play around online for hours, enhancing the color, cropping the pictures, picking the style and ordering samples to see how the color comes out. I am a nut! Since I have quite a few Jewish friends who do like getting holiday cards, I usually get a "Happy Holidays" greeting and try to avoid religous greetings. I found one I like on the Walmart site. It has blue snowflakes, a nice font, says "Happy Holidays" and three snowmen on it.

Then it hit me. That's us-we are the three snowmen. Me, my husband and daughter. I might as well pick this greeting because I am praying this is our last Christmas as the three of us. I am hoping to be a family of four by next Christmas.

Of course, I am very aware that we should have been trying to get a three month old as well as our almost four year old to pose right now, but it did not turn out that way. I thought 2006 was going to be our year. It turned out to be a nightmare of a year. 2007 will be better!!! By January we should be good to go and placing ads for birthmothers as well as advertising online! We will be a successful adoption story!

So for this year we are the three snowmen, but next year we'll be looking for a greeting with four snowmen!!! :)

I have the best friends...

I really do! Most of my friends that know our adoption plans have really been thinking of us and how they can help us! I am humbled by the outpouring of concern and offers to help in whatever way they can.

One friend is moving today from NY to Ireland. She has a brand new house built. She was going to look into if American couples can adopt babies born in Ireland. I think it's not possible, but appreciate her offer to research it and even suggest it. I have another friend whose sister is a nun. She is serving the church a few towns away and deals with womens services. She is talking to her sister about giving my adoption information to women that may be considering adoption. It's nice that she is thinking of ways to help her. I have another friend who moved to the US from Romania when she was 16 and is still a Romanian citizen. She wanted to see if she can do anything to help us adopt from Romanian which is now closed. She even went as far to stuggest she adopt the baby and I adopt it from her, which I know is impossible. It's almost touching to see her scratch her head and think of how she can help us. I have one friend who told me that ig she were to find herself unexpected pregnant right now, she would want us to adopt her baby. If she had thought of it sooner when her health was better, she would have tried to have a baby for us. I was blown away by this and brough to tears. Amazing friends I have.

I am a little bit upset at my best friend. She was so eager to help me adopt in 2002 and she is so much less eager now. She said it's because I have a child, she thinks it's that couples with no children should have perference. I think that is so wrong. I hope I see that spirit come back. I supported her when she entered an awful marriage she is still in and went on to have another child that she is pretty much raising on her own because her husband has no interest in doing real work involved in running a house and raising a family.

Overall though, I do have the most caring, wonderful and thoughtful friends and I know they will be of help to me in finding a birthmom or supporting me emotionally in the process. I feel so blessed. I have such a good feeling about this adoption.

November is adoption awareness month!!

November is known for many things-election Day, Veterans Day and Thanksgiving! Every day in November is a day to celebrate adoption awareness!!! I've always loved November, but since I have really learned about adoption (back in November 2001), I have been even more fond of this month because it is Adoption awareness month.

It's a great month to recognize all birthmothers, also called first moms! It's their unselfish act that makes adoption happen. It's also nice to recognize our adoption professionals-attorneys, agency staff and social workers, for all the hard work that they do to create families. And of course, adoptive parents deserve a hand. Many face numerous obstacles in their adoptions whether they be international or domestic. The sacrifices and uncertainties are all worth it the first time you lay eyes on your new child!!

Through the years adoption has received a bad rap. The media tends not to be fair at times and draws negative attention to failed adoptions, scamming women pretending to be pregnant or abusive adoptive parents. The truth is these situations occur very very rarely and over 90% of the adoptions are successful and result in happy families. Adoption changes lives in a very positive way. It's not a secret anymore. Children old enough to understand they are adopted are told of how they came into the family. Kids are more accepted in transracial adoption. We have made so many advances when it comes to adoption. There is still more to go. More people need to be educated about adoption and more European Governments need to re-open or ehance their adoption process so that children in orphanages can stop living in an overcrowded environment and find permanent homes. I'm thinking of Romania in particular which is now closed with a growing orphan problem. I would also like to see the costs of adoptions fall so that it is more affordable for families. I think agencies charge an exorborant amount of money.
That's why we are pursuing a private independent adoption.

I am excited to annouce our homestudy date is December 11, 2006!! It feels so real now!!!

Where do you find motivation to lose weight?

I'm still looking for motivation to lose weight. I should have found it by now. I watch the Biggest Loser and those people are so amazing, they do inspire me. I hear of weight loss success stories from people I know. I know what I have to do to lose weight and yet I don't make it happen. Every day I say I will start tomorrow. Tomorrow never comes. Days turn into weeks and months.

My bowling team is having the biggest loser competition, it only started two weeks ago. I have mananged to gain both weeks!! I have nobody to blame but myself. I have had a crappy year with two miscarrages and two other surgeries, but I know I can be doing better. Today I walked for 30 minutes around my neighborhood as soon as I woke up. I then had eggbeaters and an orange for breakfast. Trying to reduce the carbs! I want to exercise at least a half hour every day and work my way up to one hour. I will have to make the time. In between work, taking care of my daughter, taking care of my house, socializing, etc. I have to make it happen!!

Wish me luck. I know if I can lose 10 pounds or so in two weeks, I will be motivated to stick to it.
I know I will be much healthier and happier minus the excess weight!

I can't wait for Election Day to be over!!!

I can't stand it. I got 5 recorded messages from candidates today alone. I have been averaging 3-5 calls a day for a week now. Laura Bush even left me a message which delighted my daughter-she thought it was really her calling. I can't tell you how many pieces of mail I get from politicians!!! Please make it all end! Let the good guys triumph!!! I know who I am going to vote for! I researched all the candidates major points. No phone call or ad is going to persuade me.
Stop wasting money!! Stop clogging my mailbox and answering machine.

I will go out there tomorrow like a good American and cast my votes!! My daughter and I even watched a rare Charlie Brown video called "You're Not Elected Charlie Brown!!"Now that's why I call celebrating Election Day!!!

So remember to vote!!! It's your chance to be heard!!

A wasted day....

Well I lost the battle I have been fighting for the last week with a sinus infection. I finally caved in, called in sick and went the doctor. She told me to take sudafed, robitussin and gave me a perscription for amoxicillan. I feel bad, I layed around all day. I have so much to do around my house, but I just felt like crap! Hopefully the medicine will work and I will start to feel better. The coughing killed me last night.

When I get bored, it's not a good thing. My mind starts to get creative. I just said-what the hell-let's have fun with my daughter's Dora house. So here's a picture of Dora's parents going at it!!! I know I am immature, but I have also known to be funny as hell. Who has not taken dolls and posed them in sexual positions? Come on-you know you did! I was being tame. You should see what my brother and father do with my neices Barbie dolls-enough said!!!

Why I love Halloween!

I was always a big fan of Halloween! I would dress up and get tons of candy. In the 1970s' my Bronx, NY neighborhood was very safe. Hardly any moms worked and you could start trick or treating by 3:30 and not have to wait until people came home from work. I swore I got so much candy I could barely carry the bag. If you were sick or it rained, it was catastrophic! The last stop was our next door neighbors. They always had special bags set aside for my sister, brother and I and there were loaded with GOOD candy-not the cheap stuff. I vividly remember my sister being a cowgirl one year, a nurse another. I was a football player, A ghost (my sheet ripped so fast) and the bionic woman. You had to love those flame retardant masks and costumes that were sold in every 5 and dime around the country. For $4.99 (which was a lot of money back then), you could be just about anybody popular! I remember my brother was four, he wanted to be a devil, so my mother bought him a devil costume-mask and all. He was so scared when he put it on-he cried his eyes out!

I'm disappointed this year. For the third year in a row, my daughter will not wear a costume. She says Halloween is scary and I had to return her $40 Snow White outfit. It was only a dress. We tried to put it on her Saturday and she cried to the point she started throwing up. Maybe next year! She is almost four and missing out on so much!

What I love about Halloween are the classic scary movies I grew up on. They show them on TV all week. The original Nightmare on Elm Street (Johnny Depp was so young and cute), Amityville Horror, The Exorcist, The Omen, Poltergiest, Friday the 13th, Carrie, and my favorite-Halloween! I don't like these new movies like Saw-too gory. I like the ones where they just frightened you and freaked you out for days! I LOVE the Charlie Brown Halloween special too! Oh the good old days!!! Halloween rules!! It makes you feel like a kid again!

Just thinking of my angels...

I've been thinking about my angels I lost through miscarriage this year. I can't wait to see them again! I know I will see my angel girls in heaven (whenever I do get there!). My prayers will be answered and we will finally get to see each other face to face. That will be a gift from God. Bad enough yesterday my daughters friend's Mom had a baby boy, so he is now a big brother. Then today at Dance class her friend Abby's Mom had a girl by C-section on Tuesday, so everyone was talking about her baby sister. She started in while we were in the car yesterday how she wants a baby sister. I told her someday and you never know it could be a brother (she did not like that). In my head, I am saying "you should have had one by now"

Here's a poem for my two angels-with love from Mommy....

Nobody Knew You

Nobody knew you
" Sorry about the miscarriage dear, but you couldn't have been very far along."
...existed.

Nobody knew you
" It's not as though you lost an actual person."
...were real

Nobody knew you
" Well it probably wasn't a viable fetus.
It's all for the best."
...were perfect.

Nobody knew you
" You can always have another!"
...were unique.

Nobody knew you
" You already have a beautiful child. Be happy!"
...were loved for yourself.

Nobody knew you
...but us.

And we will always remember
...You.

~ By Jan Cosby, c/o Mothering Magazine

Last Night's Nip/Tuck

Last night's episode named "Connor McNamara" really hit a nerve for me. There were flashbacks to Sean as a child with a cleft palate. How he struggled and was made fun of and embarassed. His mother wanted to use his college money to get it corrected, but his father was against it. Said he did not need it, education was more important. Sean was ostracized and miserable as a child. His mother went pretty much behind his father's back and planned the surgery. His father left his mother shortly after that and the surgery was a big reason. Sean knew what it felt like to be made fun of and teased and didn't want his son to grow up that way if there was a way he could be helped. I can't blame him. I feel exactly the same way and would do whatever was necessary regardless of cost to correct such a problem, even if plastic surgery was the answer. I strongly feel this way and if my daughter has a problem that needs to be addressed through elective surgery, as long as it is safe, I will give my blessing and find the money to get it done.

The year was 1986. A girl was 16 going on 17. She hated herself since she was about 11 years old. Always crying and looking in the mirror hating what she saw. By the age of 15 she started asking her mother about plastic surgery. Of course, the Mom gave the usual responses-you are beautiful the way you are, you don't need to change a thing, etc. Eventually the Mom saw how unhappy her daughter was and started to research cosmetic surgery. Against the father's will, we made arrangements for the surgery. It would not be covered by insurance in spite of the medical necessity of a deviated septum that did exist. They found a Dr. they liked and scheduled the surgery for July 13, 1986. The father was dead set against this-saying it was unnecessary and if anything happened to the daughter, the mother would personally held responsible. He would never forgive her. The operation was a success the recoverly long and painful, but the results were stumnning. The daughter is thankful every day of her life. Thank you Mom for standing up for me and seeing why I had to have this surgery. The girl in the story is me.

Searchng for those who adopted privately

I'm hoping someone reads this and may be able to help me out. If anyone has adopted a baby privately (through an attorney), I have questions about advertising. We're not there yet, but I am gathering as much info as possible.

My friends adopted 10 years ago when the internet was not so widely used. I plan on posting our profile to a few key sites, but would still like to advertise in newspapers for a birthmom. I would like to advertise in a 200-300 mile radius from our home to start and then spread out to some key areas like the south and Arizona (highest rate of teen pregnancy in the US). Advertising is daily newspapers is very expensive, but some people say more people read those classifieds. Advertising in penny saver type weekly papers is much cheaper, so I could afford more advertising. Has anyone had experience with newspaper ads for adoption? Did you find weeklies or dailies to produce better results. I know people do look at pennysavers for tag sales and used cars, but will they find an adoption ad. If I go with a daily paper, how any days do I run the ad for??

If anyone has some advertising advice when it comes to private adoption, I would be very very interested to hear what worked for you, what year, how much you spent on advertising, etc.

Madonna adopting??

From what I have read this sounds like an adoption that should never happen. Taking a boy from an orphanage to adopt when the boy has a father is horrible!!! The boy was placed there with the hope that his father would be able to take him back and raise him. It was a tempoary situation. If she wanted to help the boy, she should have donated money to his father , so he can afford to take him back and raise him. Why take him out of his country and throw him into the limelight. My heart goes out to the kid and father. Money can't buy happiness. This boy may have the best of everything, but he won't have his father.

I think it is one huge publicity stunt. Her husband wasn't too fond of the idea and they made exceptions for her-she is Madonna of course! She wants to be like Angelina Jolie-at least Angelina did it from her heart.

It's an outrage! I feel so sorry for this boy. It's things like this that draw negative attention to adoption!

What people should NOT assume about adoption

It's interesting what people think. My best friend was so into helping us find a birthmom when we were adopting in 2001/2002. Now this time around, she is much less enthused. Her reasoning is because I have one child, at least I have something. She is more sympathetic to couples who have no children. I totally disagree. I used to feel like that, but I disagree. I guess she doesn't get it. That disappointed me that she even thinks that narrow mindedly.

I remember 10 years ago going to the infertility doctor for a follow up to a laproscopic surgery. There was a woman with a husband and two kids there. I was thinking-"How selfish of her." She has two kids-why is she here wanting another one? Now I understand. I want this next child just as much if not more than my daughter. I have felt pain in the last 16 months, a different kind of pain. There is a woman in my fertility friend group-she has four healthy children-she really wants number five. Every child is just as wanted and important as your first child. Your desire to have children will not end until you feel your family is complete. Right now my family is incomplete.

People feel bad for couples who have NO children. I do to an extent. Some have the means to adopt, but choose not to take that avenue for whatever reason and spend years frustrated with infertility. Even if you don't have money. You can apply to be a foster parent. There is a $10,000 government rebate, you can quality for grants and loans that you may not have to payback. When there is a will, there is a way. One woman was trying for 9 years to have a baby with her husband. She finally decided to move to adoption. Within three months of being approved, she and her husband were delight to adopt twin girls! All those years of heartbreak forgotten-just like that. She's so busy with her girls now! I bet if she knew it was going to work out that well, she would have decided to adopt years ago.

So many people (men and women) discriminate against couples hoping to adopt-one reason being that they already have a child. That to me is a positive! We have experience taking care of and raising a baby-we've done it. Our child will have an older sibling who talks constantly about having a little brother or sister (OK mostly sister) and would love him or her endlessly. we've been married quite a while for folks our age. We have so many positives that some folks will never see in us. That's OK, because I know the right birthmom will stumble upon us by way of newspaper ad, internet contact, etc and will take the time to get to know us and will entrust us with her child.

There are other forms of descrimination. Couples who are older, couples who are too young, same sex couples, couples not married a long time, couples where one person has a health problem. I can go on and on. I think everyone needs to be more open minded and respect others goals and wishes. Don't question people, just respect their decisions and give them a fair shake.

Just sharing a video called "I want to Live"

No works of wisdom today from me. I did come across a beautiful video I wanted to share with everyone. It's by a group called Rightbrothers and it's called "I want to Live". It's a wonderful video about choosing having a baby and giving it up for adoption as opposed to having an abortion. It brought tears to my eyes. It's not graphic, just a video about a girl in high school who finds out she's pregnant. Any woman facing an unplanned pregnancy should watch this-what an insight to how an unborn baby might think!

"I want to live" Video