These dreams

Late Thursday night, I has som wierd *ss dream. Very unusal for me. I had a dream that my husband and I lived in apartment in NYC. We were going to to a Rangers hockey game and I had a few extra tickets. I called and invited some of my college girlfriends to come up who happened to be in Atlantic City and they said yes.

Then my husband tells me he offered the extra tickets to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie (like as if they were our friends). I get upset and try to tell my friends not to make the trip up from Atlantic City-there was a change in plans. I was nervous about them going to the game with us. How would my husband even know them?

As it gets closer to gametime, they arrive with Baby Shiloh, who is also coming with us. Everyone takes a shower and changes their clothes (except the baby of course). Brad looked really good, his hair was not too short and he had blonde highlights-lots of them. Angelina looked good too-I can vividly remember her wearing expensive jeans and a plain black top. I was playing with the baby and we were all chatting and getting ready to go to the game. I told Angelina she looked great and took the baby weight off really fast. No security or anything. It's like they were just averages Joe's. Just two couples going out.

We leave the apartment and jump in their maroon Mercedes with a baby seat in the back. Brad drives and I end up in the front seat next to him. My husand and Angelina end up in the back seat with the baby between them. We decide we are hungry and stop at a sandwich shop. All four or us wait on line with the baby and get our sandwiches, sit down for a few minutes to eat. No body comes up to us or anything. Then it is off to Madison Square Garden for the game. We have good tickets, down low, a few rows back from the bench. All four of us and the baby are sitting there and nobody cares who they are. Very strange!!!

OK how did I get this crazy dream in my head-could be all the publicity about the Jolie-Pitt family being made into wax figures which are on display at Madam Tausad's. Also that night before I went to bed, I was watching a show on E! on "Who made Bank" and of course Brad made the top 20 for his earnings in 2005. I don't know where Angelina was on the list-I tuned in late. I think those thoughts were in my subconscious mind.

We are not friends with Bradd Pitt or Angelina Jolie. I'm sure we will never go to a hockey game with us, or stop for sandwiches, or give us a ride in their Benz or shower at our house! But it's nice to dream and if by chance Angelina and Brad happen to read this-hockey season starts in October and we can always manage to get good seats!!! You're welcome to join us-you seem like nice folks-at least in my dream!

It's getting hot in here!!!

So take off all your clothes. I know we should not complain but NY in the summer can get hot and humid. Arizona and Nevada may have the 100 degree and over bragging rights but the humidity is a killer here! I wanted to walk for exercise-I really did-but getting heatstroke was just not the wisest thing to do today.

I go for my weigh in at Weight Watchers tomorrow. It will be my first week and I am hoping for a decent loss. I have been trying really hard and exercising every day. I so want to lose 20 pounds by September 10th-my grandparents 60th Anniversary Party!!! I hate being in pictures and have virtually no pictures of my daugther and I. Hopefully I will be able to post before and after pics that will knock your socks off. I try to read weight loss success stories every day for motivation!

Another 4 weeks and I head back to Wildwood, NJ and that involves putting on a bathing suit.
How quickly can I sign up for liposuction???

The Banger Sisters

I finally got around to seeing it on DVD. No big deal. I thought it was going to be great-oh well. At least I borrowed it for free from the library. I never say Pirates of the Carribean, so I am watching that tonight. My husband wants to see Pirates of the Carribean 2 next weekend.

I have been cleaning like a mad woman. Today I cleaned my home office, vacuumed and cleaned my carpets with a carpet cleaner and washed and waxed my car. I still found time to go to church, exercise and visit a friend. Yesterday was more productive though. More todo's lined up for tomorrow. My husband and daughter are in Wildwood NJ again and I am trying to do as much as I can since I am home alone. Wish me luck. I really need the cleans sweep team, who am I kidding!!!

Scale says I am down 5.5 pounds since Monday! Yeah baby!

Dancing in the rain

The other evening we had a bad thunderstorm here. Really bad, power knocked out and hail the size of golfballs. When it was just about over, I was driving past a house in my neighborhood and there were a couple of young teen girls just kinda dancing around in the rain.

I started to smile from ear to ear. I did that once, just once. It was an April day and I was in high school. We had a drenching rain and were trying to get from the car to my best friend at the time's house. My sister, my friend Patti and I started to run and we were getting so wet. We were drenched. We asked her mother if we could just play and dance in the rain. She said yes and we litterally danced in the rain until we were soaked. I never felt so free or laughed so hard. Of couse my friend and I were the Duran Duran freaks of our high school and thought we should do what the song "Wild Boys" said. "You're telephone's been ringing while you're dancing in the rain". I will never forget that. The ironic thing is I work two blocks from her old house-I still pass it all the time. Her house looks so different now, but the first thing I think of is us dancing in the rain in front of her Mom's kitchen window.

Oh to be in my mid teens-so free from all the adult problems! I guess the problems I had then were "the end of the world" and now I look back and laugh. They were really not so big at all.
It's all relative I guess!

Answers at last

Finally the doctor called me back with the results of the pathology tests from the last miscarriage on June 19th. Much to my surprise, the cause WAS NOT chromosomal. It was considered a blighted ovum. The baby would have been a girl. It turns out my chromosomal test came back normal BUT it showed I have active parvo disease (Fifth disease) and the doctor believes that was a very probably cause of the demise of this pregancy. WOW-that was totally unexpected.

I am relieved that it was not chromosomal in a way. I still consider both my miscarriages to be flukes. This pregnancy was never right from the beginning with very low HCG numbers which concerned me. I don't know how I contacted the parvo. I don't work with kids or as a health care provider. I am a systems analyst with an office job. More than likely my daughter was a carrier and I did not know it. Neither her nor I were sick with rashes or any other tell tale signs of this virus. I guess all in all this pregnancy was not mean to continue to the end.

I am not giving up. I am feeling good that the third time will be a charm in 2006. Both miscarriages this year would have been girls. The baby I lost in Febrary was 9 weeks 3 days. Up to that point everything was normal and I felt good. Baby measured on target and at 7 weeks we had a heartbeat of 143. I was due Sept 10th and my birthday is Sept 5th. I always wanted a Virgo baby and had a strong feeling that one was a girl (I was right). We were totally floored when strong pains made me go to the doctor just to see if everything was alright and he discovered there was no heartbeat. I came back the next day, just to be sure, praying for once they would be wrong. They weren't and I had a D&C the following day. That loss really really hurts. For girls names we were down to Gia, Gina (husband's favorite) and Gianna (my favorite). When the other baby baptized was announced as Gianna, my face went pale and I started to tear up.

My daughter still claims she HAS a sister. I tell her maybe someday and she insists she already has one. Very strange. I feel so sad when she she starts talking abot that.

Well I am two days into my diet and so far so good. I am trying to make positive changes in my life and feel it is about time my luck changed for the better!! It's my time now!

Yeah! Sunday is almost over!!!!!!!

The dreaded baptism. I tossed and turned all last night. I could barely sleep. Thank God it is over. The church was the worst and instead of it being 20 minutes, it started late and was more like an hour! I would rather have swallowed glass for one hour. It hurt so much to be there. It was like 90 degress here and humid. The church started late. My husband was upset for me and really did not want to go either. My daughter knew nothing, so she was looking forward to it. To make matters worse,there was only one other baby being Christened with her and her name had to be Gianna-that is what I so wanted to name my September angel baby. When they announced that, I started to tear up. I missed my baby all over again. Seeing that other woman upt there holding that baby was torture to me. It was just plain wrong. I hope I can move on now that the event is over.

I tried to act as best I could. I made a big chocolate chip cookie for dessert and decorated it and took lots of pictures. I can only fake a smile on occassion. I was full of pain, and I found it very upsetting-especially the church part.

The worst is over, I guess. My friend's older daugher is 9 and she never sees or hears from her Godmother, another friend she so wisely choose. My friend did the same thing years ago. She got married and had one girl be her maid or honor, 13 months later she had her older daughter who is now 9 and she picked another woman to be the Godmother. Neither of those woman talk to her much and rarely come to any of her parties. Now I know how the first maid of honor feels.

Where I come from, you pick your best man and maid of honor to be godparents of your first born-assuming they are catholic and that you are on good terms with them. I stick to my theory which happens to be a common one. My sister and brother in law waited 10 years to be godparents to our daughter. I would not have it any other way.

A Lazy Saturday

Today was somewhat of a lazy day. I did some errands this morning and did get a manicure/pedicure. It was hot and it was a great day to lie around in the air conditioning. I started watching Transamerica and am am about halfway through it. I don't know if my Netflix membership is really paying off. On two occassions, I ended up not watching movies and holding them a month! What a dummy!

We went out with my friend Randi and her husband tonight and had dinner at Chili's tonight. It was good to see them. My daughter was good except for going to the bathroom three times! I had to keep taking her to the bathroom! I think she does it on purpose.

Randi is due with a girl September 15th. I was due on September 10th and we were happy to be pregnant together. I lose that baby very much to our suprise on February 10th. I found out on February 8th, the baby had no heartbeat. I was 9 and a half weeks and we had seen a good heartbeat of 143 at 7 weeks. Baby measured up fine, so it was a complete surprise. We found out the baby was a girl and the cause was chromosonal-Turner's Syndrome. I was so instantly attached to that baby. My own birthday is Sept. 5th and I wanted so badly to have a baby before I turned 37. I did ask all the right questions and am excited for her in spite of my misfortune. It was a long road for them to get to having this baby and I am happy for them. Randi was my friend in High School and actually introduced my husband and I in 1987!

My husband is warming up to the idea of adopting from Russia or the Ukraine. I hope I can get him totally on board!

Tomorrow is the baptism. I am looking forward to Monday-that's all I can say!

Wake me when Sunday is over!

Today I met up with my friend Michelle and we did a little shopping and then caught dinner. My best friend happened to be in the same shopping center and caught up with me. I ended up giving her her birthday present in the parking lot, but at least she got it. She seemed to like the gifts-hope so-I spent $80 on her! Michelle was ticked at her about me not being the godmother, but was nice to her. Best friend even invited her to the baptism.

I did buy a nice outfit to wear. I did not tell best friend-let her be surprised. I am going to look great and hold my head up high. I guess I can have my breakdown when it's all over-right?

I told Michelle about my possible adoption plans and since her best friend is trying to adopt child number two, I have been emailed her. Michelle is too funny. Such a caring friend. Very open. She is a lesbian and told me she likes me. She likes women like me-in their 30's, married, Italian. She knows I like her only as a friend, but she looks forward to going out with me alone. Pushing the cart in BJs together and eating Italian food made her night! She treats me with more respect then best friend lately.

Feeling hot hot hot!

Yes summer is in full swing in NY. With humidity at stifling levels and temps in the high 80s, you can't deny it's summer. Reminds me of my days living in the Bronx, NY where the song "Summer in the City" was right on target. I vividly remember having a heatwave in the 197os when I was a kid. My Godmother decides to take me for a walk, about one mile each way in 104 degree heat, just to go shopping. Needless to say, I think I experienced heatstroke that day!

I have a busy week and weekend. Friday night we are seeing our neices in their play Cinderella. Saturday we are going out to dinner with another couple and Sunday is the dreaded baptism. I don't know how I am going to make it through the day. God give me the strength. I really am acting accepting of all this but deep down inside it still hurts very very much. In the long run, I may never be able to get over this. I am wishing the day away-terrible to say!

I have been researching domestic adoption pretty heavily the last few days. I need hope. I need to have something to look forward to. We may be looking into adoption in a few months. I will be ready to move quickly if we do. We will give it a little more time and hopefully conceive again and have the pregnancy go to the end-I hope, I hope!!

Go figure

OK go figure. My best friend invites my entire family to the baby's christening-right down to my grandparents! We talk to each other today about 5 times, as if nothing ever happened. Is it safe to say we've gotten past this? Is there still going to be some wierdness? I hope things are back to normal and maybe even better then they had been! I don't want to be stressing any more over this. I just have to make it through the actual Christening day.

Memories

I started getting nostalgic today and am missing a lot of the hotels, motels, and restaurants of Wildood and Wildwood Crest, NJ. Almost 100 motels have been torn down in place of condos since 2002. That's only four years ago.

Here is a great site where you can see 400 pictures of Wildwood people have contributed

Wildwood slideshow

The Captains table restaurant, gone. Satellite motel, Surfside restaurant, Hialeah motel, Aladdin motel, The Patio motel, Lurae Motel, Carousel motel, Siesta motel, Kurtz's restaurant all gone and I can go on and on. Many classic boardwalk rides are also gone. The Log Flume, Golden Nugget (standing but doesn't run), Dracula's castle, etc. It's sad-these some of people's happiest memories-all being sold for profit. Too many condos, the architecture of these unique hotels is gone.

The La Vita motel was sold a few months ago for over 3 million dollars. It isn't much to look at, but they will put luxury condos in it's place. The town is now over built with condos and they aren't even selling!!! I want to see if I can get an old postcard from there before it closes. In the summer of 1969, the La Vita was taking photographs for new postcards. They took a few shots of my husband's family and used it as their new postcard! My mother in law has one copy. I am trying to get one for us. My husband was three. His parents were in it (his mother pregnant with his brother) and his grandparents. How cool is that. When the LaVita closes (probably after this season) a piece of family history will be gone.

I'm back...

from vacation!!! I got back Monday night pretty late and we just headed to bed. The Jersey Shore was good. Great beach weather, although the water was about 60 degrees and your legs got numb after one minute. We were only there for three days, so we really did not get a chance to do all we we wanted. We went to the boardwalk, rode the tram car (my daughter loves that), ate out, bought fudge, and played miniature golf! We hit no traffic either way-who could ask for anything more! Here is a picture of my daughter playing miniature golf for the first time in Wildwood, NJ.


Yesterday we went to a local parade in Peekskill, NY and that was fun. We went to my parents house for a BBQ. My daughter conked out at 9 PM. I was considering going to a fireworks show last night, but 10 PM was too late for her. I have not seen fireworks up close in years. Maybe next year!

Today is my best friend's birthday. The present I ordered and paid for 8 days ago on ebay still was not mailed!! I have other presents for her. Still, it's the principal. I called her and wished her happy birthday-we spoke for a while and then she had to leave, she was going to the movies with the kids. I did see her yesterday at the parade. I saw her Friday night when a bunch of friends went out dancing. I had a good time Friday night and would have hung out more, but I had to get up early Saturday. Her other friend, the baby's godmother was there Friday night and yesterday. It was hard. I acted polite. I made small talk. It's still so hard and so hurtful. I will see her later this week to give her birthday presents and possibly catch something to eat.

Things are strange between us. I still don't know where I stand. I will give it another week and see if we are OK. I call her and she talks to me. Almost like it used to be. I know she wants to be mad at me, but I don't think she can really bring herself to do it. I can hear in it her voice for the first 30 seconds of the conversation and then she is her old self. I am trying so hard to be good and accepting and understanding. I hope she feels the same way and that we could put this behind us and move forward. I must be feeling better, I am eating more!

I will leave you with a few more pictures of Wildwood!