Social Media Hurts

Social media can hurt people in a variety of ways. One that always gets me is when a parent who you are friends on Facebook has a party for her child and doesn't invite your kid, who they are friends with. It's even worse when your computer sits in the middle of the house and your daughter walks past you and sees the photos and then says "Did xxx have a birthday party? Why wasn't I invited?" Then she starts crying. It breaks my heart. 

I know you can't invite everyone to your child's birthday, but I don't think it's a good thing to post photos of  the party on Facebook for a lot of reasons. One reason being-how do you know the other kids parents' are OK with their child's picture being on social media? Most are OK with that, but others are very sensitive about that. Another reason is you can hurt others who were not invited to the party. I know everyone is happy it's our kid's birthday and wants to share photos, but I try to post a picture of my girls or my family of four and something less obvious like "celebrating Jenna's birthday today!". I guess everyone isn't as caring our thoughtful as I am.

This is not the first time this has happened to us and I'm sure it won't be the last. Part of me wants to email this mother with some not so nice words. I "liked" the pictures just so she knew I saw them. The naive part of thought the mom would email me back saying sorry my daughter was not invited. 

Has anyone had this happen? What do you usually do? Do you say something or let it go? A mother in my older daughter's class texted me and then called me upset that her daughter was the only girl on the class not invited to the party. I really had no idea what to say. Invitations were sent via email, so maybe there was an email mix up? 

Our parents didn't have to deal with this-unless they heard of a party we weren't invited to through the grapevine, they wouldn't know. The bottom line is nobody wants to see their child get hurt. As parents, we should think of all the repercussions of what we post on social media, as it sometimes affects our children.

Dear Gynocologist

A short blog post today. Last week, I went for my annual visit to the OB GYN. When I saw this blog post this morning, I could not stop laughing. It's pretty much what ever woman thinks in her head but never says. It's nice to know I am not the only one thinking these thoughts or who puts her bra and panties under the pile of clothes on the hard plastic chair. I ALWAYS feel the need to hide them.

Enjoy! 

http://www.scarymommy.com/dear-gynecologist/

Since when is the phone a bad thing?

When I was 11, all I wanted to do was talk to my friends on the phone. Lets face it, in the early 80s, there was no other way to communicate if you weren't in the same room. By the time I was 14, my parents agreed to let me have my own phone with my own phone number in my room. My 12 year old sister and I would share it! We were in heaven! My parents were happy because they could make and receive phone calls again without the main number to the house being busy all the time. 

Fast forward to 2014, my oldest daughter is 11. Her best friend didn't come to school yesterday and she was concerned. Here's our conversation this morning:

Me: "Did you find out why Lauren wasn't in school yesterday? Is she sick?"

Daughter: "Well, I texted and emailed her yesterday and didn't hear back from her, so I don't know what's up."

Me: "You should have called her house last night."

Daughter: "Are you kidding? You mean use the phone? No way!"

Me: "Do you not know how to use the phone?"

Daughter: "I don't want to call anyone on the phone, I'm not comfortable."

Me: "It's really easy, just dial her number and if she picks up start talking, if her mom answers the phone, just ask if you can please speak to Lauren or ask how she is."

It was a sad realization that kids are so used to texting, emailing, video chatting, and instant messaging, that they don't know how to communicate when they are in the same room with a person or need to talk over the phone. I've seen kids stand next to each other and text each other-OFTEN! As a communications professional, this saddens me beyond words. This is what our society has become. I'm thankful I was born when I was and learned how to SPEAK to people, even if it was on an 80s style push button phone.

A Hello from my Grandpa

Many things happened since I took a long hiatus from my blog. On July 2, 2012, my grandpa passed away at the age of 95. I was very close to him and although he lived a long, relatively happy and healthy life, I was quite upset when he passed away after a brief illness.

As the oldest grandchild, I would like to think I was special-actually, I know I was. He was excited about my academic and athletic achievements when I was young. When I decided to start my masters in the fall of 2011, we was excited and often asked how I was doing in school. I think in his heart he would have liked to have known I graduated, as he knew physically attending a graduation would have been difficult.

On a few occasions since he passed away,  I have felt his presence. Twice I felt hands on my shoulders and nobody was in the room and once I smelled the distinct smell of his cigar. I believe those who were close to us who pass on, are around and know what's going on with our lives. I love watching The Long Island Medium and love Theresa Caputo. I now watch a new show called Angels Among Us and believe in Rosie Cepero's gift of communicating with angels. 

Fast forward to today. My 11 year old's room is being painted and we are getting rid of her furniture as we ordered new furniture. Her furniture was my old furniture when I was a teenager up until I was 23 years old and got married. Somehow, when we were cleaning out the dresser, my daughter found this photo of her great grandpa, who she called "Papa Tony". It's him wearing my high school graduation cap and gown in 1987. I never saw this photo, and have no idea it was there all this time, but was so happy to find it today and see his smiling face. It was a hello from my grandpa. After thinking about it, I truly believe this is a message, not only that he knows what I am up to in my life, but that he was with me at graduation. He wanted me to know that he did "see" me graduate that day. As I walked in the procession, I felt his presence with me-this just confirms it. 

Thank you grandpa for giving me a message, so nice to see your smiling face circa 1987!

My Adoption Research Blog

Last Fall, I took in class in my masters program on Blogging. I decided to blog about adoption and did a great job. I received an A for the class. I then asked my professor if I could take my existing blog and refocus it to be more about domestic adoption research and do this in lieu of a thesis. We sought permission from the department chair and it was approved, making me only the second student at Pace University to be able to do a blog in place of a thesis.

I wanted to focus my thesis on adoption research, but knowing only a handful of people will read it and none have ties to adoption, made me think. If I am going to do all this research, shouldn't the information be out there for the public to see, read and learn from? My wish was granted and I conducted various types of research, including conducting a few surveys. My blog was pretty well read and my professor was trying to get my blog featured on the Huffington Post, but it never panned out.

I think my goal was to really help hopeful adoptive parents see what domestic adoption is like in 2014 and how the internet plays a role in adoption.

From January to May 2014, the blog focuses on my thesis question, "Social media and online presence are a growing source of domestic adoption matches in the United States

If you want to read my blog visit: http://searchingforjuno.wordpress.com/

It's 9-11 again

It's 9-11 again. Another 365 days have passed and since we last commemorated the day. It's been 13 years since our nation was attacked and thousands of innocent people died-our lives forever changed.

No matter how many times I view the images from 9-11-2011, it never gets easier. I tried again today and I cried.

No matter how many times I hear the reading of the names, I get choked up. Particularly when loved ones read a name and add something like "I love you daddy and think of you every day!" Some of these kids were babies when their parents perished. They never truly knew them. 

Just as my parent's generation will always remember exactly where they were and exactly what they were doing when they heard John F. Kennedy had been killed, my generation will always remember exactly what they doing, where they were and who they were with when they heard about the attacks on the twin towers. 

As a kid growing up in the Throggs Neck section of the Bronx, I walked over the overpass on E. Tremont Ave and could see the twin towers in the distance, standing so proud and tall. They were always there to greet me, although hard to see on cloudy and foggy days. I always thought that when I was a mom, someday, when my kids were old enough, I would take them there to see the towers. I thought they would ALWAYS be there. I never had the chance to do that.

Despite the sadness that looms, particularly in the NYC metropolitan area where I live, I always look at today as a day of hope, promise, heroism and triumph. Today, the sun came out towards the end of the day in the NYC metro area. It was gray most of the day, at one point there was light rain, when God shed some tears for the victims of 9-11. Now the sun is shining-it must be the light from those precious souls in heaven telling us they are all OK and we should not live in life in darkness because of this tragedy.

Twas the Night Before School Started

Since my kids are starting school tomorrow, I only thought it was appropriate to post this.  So it starts-packing lunches, checking homework, writing notes, buying more supplies. Next week we add soccer, CCD, and dance class to the mix. I used to think Summer break was just for kids and teachers-now I realize, it's for parents too. How quickly can the next 9 1/2 months go by?