So confused....Big girls don't cry-do they???

I am so confused right now, I feel torn. I have been dieting for the past 20 years. In college, I just needed to lose 10 or 20 pounds and I did gain and lose. I wasn't unhappy with my weight for the most point at that time in my life. I was an underweight child, always being told to eat.

Over the past 10 years or so, my weight has become an issue. In 1996, I joined weight watchers and came within two pounds of goal and stopped going. I had lost 47 pounds and was wearing size 7. Unfortunately the weight came back as quickly as it came off. In June 1998 I joined weight watchers (for the 2nd time). I lost 55 pounds in 6 months. I went six pounds under goal and became a weight watchers leader. I wore size 5. I felt great-better at 30 that I felt at 20! I thought there is no way I will gain it back-WRONG! Within a year, I gained it all back and then some.

The last few years have been very disappointing. My motivation to even have an honest week of dieting is not there. It's difficult to exercise with two kids. I do have success if I go to weight watchers meetings regularly and have a motivating leader. Just this past fall I lost 28 pounds-in nine weeks-and then stopped going to WW!

My sister had gastric bypass surgery in March of this year. It got me thinking about lap band surgery. I finally went to a free seminar. I am very interested and not afraid of the surgery itself. It appears my insurance will cover it, but it takes 3-6 months to get approved. I would have to gain a decent amount of weight to have a BMI over 40 to get approved easily for the surgery. I won't do that. I think it's counter productive. I want to get approved the way I am. My BMI is over 35 and I do some a couple of co-morbities, but they are slight, one being sleep apnea. I am pre diabetic, my triglycerides are always over 500 and my blood pressure is about 145 over 90 all the time. I have asthma and back problems. My weight isn't helping at all! I am worrying about my future health, diabetes and heart disease run rampant in my family.

I hate to waste 3-6 months waiting to be approved. What if I am denied? That's months I could have been trying to lose weight again. I feel like my life is on hold. I will have to go through another birthday and Thanksgiving and Christmas looking and feeling like this. I haven't been watching what I am eating or taking walks the last few weeks because I don't want to lose weight before my consultation with the bariatric surgeon. I'm not considering the surgery because I can't lose weight, it's because I can't keep it off and gain it back SO fast. The yo-yo dieting is not good for my heart.

Part of me wants to try weight watchers or a traditional diet one more time-right now. The other part says that since I am not working now, it's an opportunity to pursue lap band surgery and change my life. I want to be thin forever, not for six months or so. I know if I don't have the surgery, 5 or 10 years from now, nothing will change-I will weight the same, possibly more. I have to do something to change my fate and save my life. Diets only have short term results for me. I want my life back while my kids are young. I felt so good the few times in my adult life I was thin-I want to feel like that again. I know the surgery has no guarantees, but statistically, it's much more successful than traditional dieting. Lifestyle changes must be made.

I am so confused, but I am moving forward with the lap band surgery route. I really and truly feel it's my key to being at a normal weight for the rest of my life. I hope I'm doing the right thing.

Gentlemen start your engines....

I have been needing tires for my SUV for a long time. Finally Saturday, I decided I could not wait any longer. The front tires were bald on the sides. I love the tires I had, they were BF Goodrich and were $83 or so a tire-not bad for an SUV. When I drop the car off, the guy says they are now $110 each. I wasn't going for that. I asked "What's cheaper?"

He said he had these tires made by BF Goodrich, good quality, but they are rough and a little nosier. For $93 a tire, it was the best I could do. I can withstand a little noise-right? Well $563 dollars later (I needed an oil change and an alignment), I was good to go. OUCH!

When I drove the car out of the lot, I could immediately tell it was louder. My SUV is driving like a pick up truck and the only way I could describe the increased noise in the tires is the SWOOSH you get when all the cars pass you at a Nascar race. Seriously. I never thought tires could make that big of deal in how your car SOUNDS. I'm getting used to them-let's just put it at that. Maybe I should have shopped around more...I guess the Mark Martin license plate holder on the back of my car is appropriate now!

There are worse things I could do....

So yesterday my older daughter graduated from pre-school. We took her to Toys R Us to pick out a new bike. She was thrilled. While I was there, I happened to spot these Grease Barbie Dolls. Never saw them before. There was just one Rizzo left. I couldn't take the chance of not having this doll. I went back to the store and bought it for myself!!! $35 on a doll for myself. Even the cashier commented on what a great doll she is!

It's ironic because I never liked dolls in the first place-ever. I just had to have it!!! I love her in her pink ladies jacket-I could just picture here saying "I'm going to RULLLLEEE the school" There are so few Barbie dolls with black hair. As a kid, I hated that all the dolls were blonde and blue eyed, I never could relate. No doll looked like me. Dolls in the 1970's didn't look like Italian girls! I love the movie Grease. I've seen the play Grease quite a few times. I was in Grease in High School (guess what part I played???). I think it will look nice next my daughter's collectible "I love Lucy" doll! My husband was a good sport about it and laughed, knowing how much I did want this doll.

So-here she is....Rizzo! Isn't she great?? There are worst things I could do, then buy a doll or two.

Prom night on Friday the 13th???

It sounds like a recipe for a teen horror movie! Last night was a beautiful June night here and one of our local high schools was having their prom. As I navigated the local streets with my kids in tow, I saw groups of teens dressed in tuxedos and beautiful dresses posing for pictures on suburban lawns. I can't even imagine what these parents spent on limos, prom tickets, dresses, makeup, hair, tuxes, etc. It was so nice to see though. To be 18 again! I got a bit teary eyed.

It was 21 years ago (yipes!) that I went to my senior prom with my husband-who was then my boyfriend of four months! I told my oldest daughter how grandma and I went to a bridal store months before to pick out the electric blue dress I would wear and I had shoes and a purse dyed to match! How my hair and makeup were done just so and how my friends and I all rented a limo and were so excited. I told my daughter that her Dad was a great prom date. Although he wasn't into dancing much, he did take me to NYC for a horse and carriage ride in Central Park and then to a comedy club. We came home the next morning, exhausted, but happy!

I can't wait until my girls are old enough to go to the prom! They can go to more than one each! I don't care what it costs. As the mother of two girls, I have the thrill of picking out the dress and the jewelry and getting caught up in all the prom hoopla! It's one of those moments that mothers of daughters live for! I can just picture my girls looking stunning all dressed up-perfect ladies.
The way the years fly by, that day will come before I know it.

It's like a heat wave......

This is day four of the New York area's pre-summer heat wave. Yesterday and today, many local schools had early dismissal as our schools are not air conditioned and the heat was just too much for staff and students. I have barely left the house since the heatwave started. Our air conditioners are on almost continuously-I can't wait to see the Con Ed bill! I don't have a choice, as my kids are little and I have asthma.

At one point today, my indoor thermometer than measure the outside temperature said 101.4 (and that was at 10:30 this AM). I did take a picture of my old outdoor thermometer, just about touching 100. I hope this early heat wave is not a preview of the kind of summer we will have. Tonight the heatwave is supposed to break, with temps only in the 80s the rest of the week. Last night at 11pM when I went to bed it was 87 degrees! That's just plain crazy!

Here's my thermometer (I have no idea how old it is and yes we need to paint our back awning big time!)