What do I want to be when I grow up???

I have been out of work 17 months. I have been looking for a job feverishly for the last four months applying to 10 jobs a week or so. Daycare will be very costly, jobs are paying less than a few years ago and they want you to work your butt off for no overtime. I have been layed off from major corporations twice in six years due to downsizing.

I like the benefits, social aspect and regular paychecks of a job at a large company. I don't like office politics, being denied vacation days and missing out on my kids lives. Every night I go to bed trying to decide-Do I really want another 9-5 job or do I want to try to do my own thing and start my own business.

For over a year now, my adoption lawyers have been telling me how great I would be at starting my own adoption advertising business. I would enjoy working from home, not paying daycare and making my own schedule. They would refer clients to me who need help with profiles, websites and advertising. I could place ads on their behalf. I did extensive research and demographics research on hundreds of newspapers last year, why let it go to waste right? Everybody in my family and all my friends say it's a no brainer and I should do this. Why am I so hesitant and afraid. I don't have much to lose. I have all the skills and knowledge to put this into action. I keep making excuses instead of making the decision to do this.

My heart is so into adoption. I often advise people at no charge. I find it hard to charge for my time and services, but I will have to get over that. I would be so happy to help people and know I have changed their lives. On the flip side, if the results aren't positive, I will feel bad for my clients. I guess I have to learn to separate my heart from my head a bit.

I can't keep mulling this over. I need to make a decision. I am wasting hours every week looking for and applying to jobs in a terrible job market. Domestic adoption is on the rise and there are lots of families out there who I could be helping. This is a great time to start up such a business and my attorneys believe in me so much, they are willing to sit down with me and take time out of their busy schedule to get me started. I guess it's time to start believing in myself and follow my heart into what I hope becomes a fulfilling career.