She looks like herself

Last week a friend and I were having lunch at a local diner and trying to catch up. My 17 month old was with us and being quite vocal. The waitress was a middle aged woman who thought she was just adorable and went on and on how cute she looked. Then she started to ask me "Is she your daughter?" and I said she was. Then the conversation started to turn to-she doesn't look like you-who does she look like? She kept insisting that she didn't look at all like me. I didn't want to lie and start making up that she looks like other people in the family.

My friend, who is a grandma, and a middle aged woman was getting more frustrated than I was. Finally SHE SAID "She looks like herself!". I agreed saying "she's a one of a kind!". My friend chimes in "Your nieces are total opposite in looks-one dark haired and dark eyed and the other blond hair, blue eyes" She was right. She seemed almost more offended by it than I was. I am open about my daughter's adoption to friends, neighbors and family, but I don't feel that people like restaurant staff, cashiers and people I will interact with for a few moments of my entire life, need to know she is adopted. Maybe the waitress suspected it, but I think it was wrong of her to really question me over and over again about who she looks like!

My sister looks Italian and my older niece looks Irish and German like her Dad and has light hair, freckles and very blue eyes. People have outright asked my sister if her daughter was "really hers" or if she was adopted. Does every father and son have to look alike? Does every mother and daughter? Genes do blend. Kids can resemble grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles.

So, here's a tip for adoptive parents and future adoptive parents. You don't have to disclose your child's adoption to EVERYONE. You pick and choose who you want to know about it. Think of ways to answer awkward questions like this-so you are prepared. At some point, they will come up. People say the dumbest things sometimes. People say the dumbest things a lot of times!