Another sucky day...

Well today was another sucky day thanks to best friend or former best friend I should say. I called her a left a voicemail at work trying to make amends. I got a nasty email back. I tried instant messaging her and we did that for over an hour. I said I was sorry and begged her to forgive me-she won't. I know I am a big schmuck. It turns out she's been analyzing my voice for quite some time and makes determinations of what I say not on what I say, but what tone of voice I say it in. Huh? She's mad because the tone of my voice has been different to certain things she had told me.

I was nice, not harsh. Trying to apologize, hoping to make amends. I thought she would be open to forgiving and letting it go. She said she can't take it anymore. Her husband says I am not welcomed in her house (which she owns) . She feels relieved to be rid of me. All I do is cause her stress. On and on. I got slammed pretty hard. I am upset, in tears actually, and I think the friendship is really really over. She has never been this resistant to trying to talk. She just thinks her life is better off without me. I can't understand it, 48 hours ago we were best friends.

I don't know what to say or do. Next week is her birthday to boot. I already bought the presents. I do make mistakes, and I do admit I am wrong and I do apologize. What kind of friend would not accept an apology? So I flew off the handle-don't we all from time to time. I am heartbroken, she was like a sister to me. I have barely eaten since it happened, but I can afford to lose weight. My appetite is gone, I just so down now.

I guess I will need to mourn for a few days. I am starting to think of it on a permanent basis. I'm almost thinking I should pretend she passed away. Maybe it's easier to accept the sudden absence from your life if you think of it in terms of death. Death of a friendship-cause of death-unknown.

Sorry this blog has been so negative, one day soon there will be something positive to write.
I promise! :)