Today marks one year since we surprisingly found out are baby due in September 2006 had no heartbeat. I started feeling sharp pains in my abdomen and back the day before. I was at work and they were so strong they brought me to my knees. I thought it was bad gas pains and they waxed and waned all day long. In the back of my mind, I knew it wasn't good, but was hoping it was something else.
I decided if I had the pain the next day (Feb 8th), I would go to the doctor. Well the pains returned and I started to get really worried. The doctor wanted me to come in for a ultrasound, so I did after work. I did not even bring DH, thinking it was gas or some unrelated gastro problem. I was shocked and speechless when they said the baby had no heartbeat. She (we later found out it was a girl) had a perfect heartbeat at 7 weeks. The doctor has known me for years. He was kind and advised it probably was a chromosomal abnormality and was for the best. He said it appears the baby stopped growing in the last day and the pains were probably very much related to the loss.
He was right. We later found out it was a girl and she had Turner's Syndrome which is a very common cause of miscarriage. I have known quite a few to misscarry for the same reason. It still doesn't make me feel any better.
I was in disbelief and wanted one more sonogram before my D&C on the 10th. They humored me and did it. I was praying they were wrong, but they were not. The tech who has known me for years was nice enough to print off one final picture of my angel, who I look at all the time. I look at the little body that formed and the outline of the face and try so hard to see if I can make out the image of a face, but I can't. In my mind, she will always look like me. I cried for weeks and still do when the thought of her pops in to my head. We were undecided between naming our girl Gina, Gia, or Gianna. I think I could have won my way and she would have been Gianna.v She was due just a few days past my 37th birthday. She was to be my Virgo baby.
Goodnight my angel, I will remember you always, but especially on February 8th.
No comments:
Post a Comment