I think I hit rock bottom yesterday. A potential birthmother that called twice Thursday night never called back Friday after she said she would. Her number was unlisted and I had to wait until Sunday for my toll free service to obtain the number. When I called Sunday that number was no longer in service or had been disconnected! UGH! She was due in 6 weeks!!! I wish she would call me again if she was indeed a real potential birthmother.
Then yesterday I did some cyber searching on the net and paid money to access some databases. A potential birthmother from Arkansas due in July told us she was 26. The only woman with that name in that small town of Arkansas is 41 years old! Given the information could be inaccurate, but from the first time I spoke to her I thought she sounded a lot older then 26! Now I wonder if she is even pregnant. I will doubt everything from this point on. I wish she would have told us the truth. In reality she just may be a lonely woman enjoying the attention. This sucks. I am so disappointed about this-I really had my hopes up. I left her a message saying we would like proof of pregnancy to advance the process further and we would like to work with her. Let's see where this leads us. Probably to another dead end.
Thousands of dollars in ads and this is what I get-lies, lost contacts and shattered dreams. I have ads in Newsday, 20 thirfty Nickels as as well as other major newspapers. Our ad was out there to well over one million people this week. What more can I do, or afford to do?
I cried yesterday for the first time in a while. I cried for my angels that would have saved me from this. I would have had them by now. I wouldn't be going through this.
Maybe I am too trusting and naive to go this route. I am working so hard doing all the right things and feel like I am not getting results. Only another adoptive parent going the independent private adoption route would know how I feel today.
I keep having dreams that someone calls me and tells me a baby was born and we were chosen. Yeah-must be a dream. But I always wake up smiling!
Like Annie said "The sun will come out tomorrow". Tomorrow is a new day and who knows I just may get "that call" we've been waiting for!
2 comments:
Please dont doubt everything from this point on. Only a sick person would play on your emotions in such a twisted way. You WILL find the child that is meant to be a part of your family, (or should I say they will find you).
Brayden's birthmom,
"M"
Thinking of you and know you are not alone in the wait! Grieve as needed, it is a good thing. As bad as it hurts, I always feel better(the next day) after I have had a crying session Your child will come. {{HUGS}}
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