What people should NOT assume about adoption

It's interesting what people think. My best friend was so into helping us find a birthmom when we were adopting in 2001/2002. Now this time around, she is much less enthused. Her reasoning is because I have one child, at least I have something. She is more sympathetic to couples who have no children. I totally disagree. I used to feel like that, but I disagree. I guess she doesn't get it. That disappointed me that she even thinks that narrow mindedly.

I remember 10 years ago going to the infertility doctor for a follow up to a laproscopic surgery. There was a woman with a husband and two kids there. I was thinking-"How selfish of her." She has two kids-why is she here wanting another one? Now I understand. I want this next child just as much if not more than my daughter. I have felt pain in the last 16 months, a different kind of pain. There is a woman in my fertility friend group-she has four healthy children-she really wants number five. Every child is just as wanted and important as your first child. Your desire to have children will not end until you feel your family is complete. Right now my family is incomplete.

People feel bad for couples who have NO children. I do to an extent. Some have the means to adopt, but choose not to take that avenue for whatever reason and spend years frustrated with infertility. Even if you don't have money. You can apply to be a foster parent. There is a $10,000 government rebate, you can quality for grants and loans that you may not have to payback. When there is a will, there is a way. One woman was trying for 9 years to have a baby with her husband. She finally decided to move to adoption. Within three months of being approved, she and her husband were delight to adopt twin girls! All those years of heartbreak forgotten-just like that. She's so busy with her girls now! I bet if she knew it was going to work out that well, she would have decided to adopt years ago.

So many people (men and women) discriminate against couples hoping to adopt-one reason being that they already have a child. That to me is a positive! We have experience taking care of and raising a baby-we've done it. Our child will have an older sibling who talks constantly about having a little brother or sister (OK mostly sister) and would love him or her endlessly. we've been married quite a while for folks our age. We have so many positives that some folks will never see in us. That's OK, because I know the right birthmom will stumble upon us by way of newspaper ad, internet contact, etc and will take the time to get to know us and will entrust us with her child.

There are other forms of descrimination. Couples who are older, couples who are too young, same sex couples, couples not married a long time, couples where one person has a health problem. I can go on and on. I think everyone needs to be more open minded and respect others goals and wishes. Don't question people, just respect their decisions and give them a fair shake.