The "what ifs" of adoption

I spoke to my best friend briefly today and told her I was revamping our adoption website in preparation for a possible upcoming adoption. I added a page of family pictures and a page about our daughter. She asked me if that was a good idea. She said "What if a birthmother sees you put pictures of Jacqueline up there and thinks you won't love her baby as much as your daughter?"

I said that is rediculous. Of course I would love both children equally. I said "If she feels that way, then she is not the birthmother for us to be matched with". Good answer huh?? The words just came to me.

I have to admit a few months ago, I was fearful of us not being picked because we have a biological daughter. But in reality and in talking to adoptive parents and an adoption attorney, that is usually not the case. The birthparents usually find something they like about you are have in common with you. Your sister looks like her best friend. You have a Maltese dog. You are a nascar fan. Your daugther looks like his neice. Somehow a connection is made and it grows from there. It's an amazing thing. I have faith that in time an amazing connection will be made between us and birthparents who have a bond with us. I will not lie or misrepresent myself to have a birthmom pick us. It's just not me. In the long run, it's just plain wrong. This is a lifelong relationship you are entering. I think it's awful when adoptive parents promise pictures, updates, emails, visits, etc and never follow through, leaving the birthmother hurt. I could never hurt another person who gave me such a beautiful gift as a baby that way.

In recent weeks I have taken the time to read letter from birthmoms. I have read the flip side to adoption. Their hurt, their loss and unsure feelings related to the whole adoption. Many birthmoms were pressured into giving up their babies years ago and many of them have lived with the hurt. The instance of pressured adoptive in the last 10-2o years or so is reduced, but still many birthmoms go through a myriad of feelings. We have to respect that.

I have this gut feeling that although 2006 proved to be a lousy year for us in trying to grow our family, something good will happen quickly in 2007 if we choose the adoption route. I can just feel it-2007 is going to be a great year!!!