Keeping the Faith

Somehow, I am managing to keep the faith as of late. I've been a good girl, I went to confession and have been going to church every Sunday and holy days. I feel good about that. I still believe that God will help me in my time of need and do something to erase all the sadness of the past year. I have to believe that.

Sometimes I get mad at God and do stay away from church for months at a time. I always do feel wrong and guilty about it. I've had plenty of reasons to be mad at God this year. For the stress I have been under and my subsequent weight gain? For my two back to back miscarriages? For my best friend not picking me to be her daughter's Godmother? For my emergency apendectemy? For my hernia operation? I can go on and on-2006 has proved to be a lousy year. All the things I prayed would happen really did not. Expect the unexpected as they say. There were Sundays, I prayed so heard, my eyes welled up with tears.

But I am thankful-for my family, my husband, my daughter, my friends, my job, the lovely home I have, my overall good health and my gifts of kindness, intelligence and perserverence. I know there are millions and millions of people much less fortunate than me in many many ways.

Still I can't help feeling that I'm due for something good to happen. Some people pray to win money-I never did. I always prayed God would look out for my family and take care of us. So far he has done that. I've prayed for lots of things which may or may not sound unusual-I hope I get this job, I hope I lose weight, Let nothing bad happen to me this week, Let so and so's medical condition improve, Let me travel to Syracuse safely, Let me be picked to be the Godmother, Let me be pregnant, Let me not have another miscarriage, and help me to make the right decisions. I can go on and on. Sometimes God listens and what you expect to happen happens, sometimes your prayers aren't answered, but God has not forgot you in his plan.

I will always find my way back to church. I hope not to experience any absences, but push comes to shove-I will be back!