Showers of Happiness

I was up in the middle of the night and started to panic a bit about the baby shower I have to go to today. It' s a baby shower from my friend who will have the baby on August 24th (last I heard). It's going to be a little tough to be there under the circumstances. I am going to someone's house I don't know. I won't know hardly anyone there. Whoever hasn't seen me in years is sure to notice all the weight I gained. I can go on and on. I'll go and enjoy myself for those few hours because it means a lot to my friend. I will stop being self conscious for a few hours and just enjoy.

A lot of my insecurities lately are due in part with my weight. I go on Weight Watchers for a few weeks and then I go off it. If it's not a major success, I lose interest. I'm not even happy with moderate success. I KNOW that when this chapter of my life is closed. I can lose weight successfully. Right now, I live in limbo-not knowing if i will get pregnant again, will the pregnancy continue, should I adopt, etc. I have to get out of limbo one way or another. When I get nervous I eat. Some people drink or take drugs-I eat. A lot of my self confidence problems would be solved if I lost a good amount of weight.

I was watching videos of when my daughter was a baby and am RARELY in the videos, I never wanted to be-always waiting to look better on camera. Years of my life that I can't get back are lost. How many more years will I lose until I get on track?

I know I am not alone. If anyone out there knows how I feel, please comment and send me words of encouragement. I know there are probably millions of women out there who feel "stuck" in a body they want to escape from. Tell me how to escape-tell me to have the patience to stick with it no matter what!